on a break
23rd December 2003, 5:42 pm

right, paddy, i'll write about the whole paddy situation. basically we went to bar one on thursday afternoon, and he'd been weird all day but i figured he was just tired or something. then at about half four we had a serious talk, in which he said that he didn't think we saw enough of each other (which i knew) and that he felt like he wasn't giving me enough attention and support, due to him going out 3/4 times a week, and me not so much. he said that our lifestyles might just be too different for it to work (which i don't believe) and that he didn't want to make me do anything i wasn't comfortable doing, ie. changing me and going out all the time. i told him that the reason i didn't go out with him so much was because his friends intimidated me, which they do. i asked him if it was because there was something wrong with me, which he said there wasn't, and he said that he didn't want to ever lose my friendship, or ignore the issue until it became something serious and tore us apart.

so we're basically on a break right now. we're keeping contact over christmas, and then in january i'm meeting his friends properly, and then we're going to see where we go from there. although recently i've realised that it seems to be me making all the compromises, so i'll have to talk to him about it again.

after he said all this i felt kind've shocked and kind've upset, even though i knew he had a point. i texted matt and asked him if he could come pick me up from the union, which he said he would, and then went outside. paddy wanted to wait with me but i didn't want him to, cos i couldn't handle talking to him like nothing was wrong, so we had a long hug, and i forced myself not to cry, and then he went home.

matt and mel picked me up, and i said that i'd talk about it once we got home. when we arrived in sorby carpark i realised that they'd been on their way to tea, because the whole of our frigging group was either stood outside or sat in reception. mel kind've fended them off though, and took me upstairs whilst matt went to park the car. we went to my room, with me feeling kind've numb and weird, and i told mel all about it. mel was really great, she told me that it didn't mean things were over, far from it, and that i seemed to be the one comprimising. i then told matt when he came up, and then went out and said hey to guy:

guy: you okay?

me: yeah, just having a few paddy problems, kind've girly.

guy: you want me to go?

me: you want to hear them?

guy: yes, sit down there and tell me.

so i sat and told him and dave, and they were really good about it. mel then cooked me and her pasta, as we'd missed tea, and i felt a lot better.

so that was the run down of thursday night, just before the drunkeness began, and is the reason i didn't drink.

today has beenn pretty average.... erm, i washed the floors, tidied my room and put the other sofa together with my dad (we have new sofas). shall maybe wrap some christmas presents tonight, but don't hold your breath.

ooh my sister's just arrived home, after being in notts for the weekend, so i shall go say hey, and leave this for now.

last - next