badgirls and neighbours
13 April 2004, 10:30 am

it's very sunny today, i'm thinking that's a good thing. sunnines always makes things feel better than they actually are.

home is going okay, which i'm partly relieved about and party angry about. i was hoping going home again for a long period of time would make things more real for me, or that i would at least express some emotion but no. instead i see things that remind me of bernie, or our old life, and a bubble of mad, insane grief will ride up inside me but i quickly push it back down and get on with things, because when it comes to it i don't want to feel the kind of feelings that i had to feel before. what is going on with me? what do i actually want?

my dad's having a bad day, after having a couple of good ones. he's anxious in case he's never able to work again. i decided today that if he hasn't got a job by summer i'll give him some of my summer job wages, as once me and my sister are both living there things are gonna get a lot more expensive. i feel bad being here this easter and him having to pay more, but i don't think he'll accept money that i just give him from my loan.

this week i've been revising - fun brainstorms on affarent receptors with pictures, woo - and watching bad girls dvds. i'm also reading harry potter 5 again. decided today that i'm going to do some serious revision, rather than the halfhearted attempts i have been making. i've only just written that sentance and already i'm thinking about putting off "serious revision" until tomorrow.

aww speaking of tomorrow, badgirls is starting again tomorrow night at 9. woohoo, i'm so excited, like in a freakish losery way. when i first saw the trailer i nearly had an orgasm and started screaming "dad, dad, it's the trailer, aww it's next week!". to which he replied, "mmm, great.". my dad always asks one question when he sees me watching badgirls, and that's "why're there so many dykes on this program?".

also, neihbours is back today, but that is less fun because boyd and skye are in the middle of having sex in that, and that's just plain icksome. AND boyd is officially having more sex than me, how is that fair or realistic?

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