Pre-wedding blues
16.10.07, 8:59 pm

Currently horribly hormonal, but I need to write an entry tonight as it�s the last chance I'll get before the horrors of Friday. My body clearly thinks that it�s doing me a massive favour by delaying my already late period until after the wedding, but to be honest I�d just rather have the period than hormones on top of this already tricky situation. And despite there being so much that�s wrong and upsetting going on at the moment, we need to just call a spade a spade and accept that I currently feel awful because of rising progesterone levels. Primarily.

Knowing this, however, makes sod all difference. In two days� time I have to go up to New Mills and spend time with that bloody woman. My dad rang at the weekend and spent most of the phone call talking about how Amanda had finally found a dress that fitted. Whatever she wears, her inner hag is bound to shine through regardless. I have been told by James that I have to be on my best behaviour. This is fine for him to say. I just know I�m not going to be able to spend two minutes in Amanda�s company before remembering that this is the woman who wanted to wear my dead mother�s jewellery for her wedding day. And then I just have an incredible urge to throw things. God, I was really hoping that I could at least avoid the bloody Evil Stepmother clich�, but apparently not. THANKS A LOT, LIFE.

The wedding itself is Friday morning (I think). To make the whole day that little bit worse, my Knobhead Uncle is coming, as he�s bringing my gran up with him. He�s such a dick. Why are so many members of my family dickheads? It doesn�t help that I haven�t seen him in a good six years, so any conversation is going to be very stilted and awkward.

Speaking of the jewellery, we�ll be sorting that out this weekend too. Hopefully after the wedding, as that is when I shall be making the point to my dad that the whole situation was completely tasteless, and that I don�t know what the hell did he thought he was doing. You know, because having a huge argument with him has worked so well for me in the past. He�s not getting a piece of it though. Me and my sister are taking it all away with us, because we find the idea of selling memories horrible.

There�s other crap too, but it can all wait. Full-time is utterly exhausting. I�m still ME-ridden, and it�s still shit and motivation-draining.

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