Of tennis, Twilight and hill starts
24.06.09, 9:09 pm
Looking at Piers Morgan�s face makes me feel ever so slightly queasy. I don�t know what it is about it, but whenever I see it nausea strikes. He�s like a hangover personified.
Anyhoo, welcome to another entry of monotony. I�m currently making up for my complete lack of a social life by becoming obsessed with Wimbledon and having vague but numerous fantasies about being a tennis champion, usually whilst I�m at work. I get the feeling that Federer is going to win but still, go Andy! Oh, and go Jankovic too! I have an inexplicable soft spot for her as well.
Ugh, currently reading the Twilight series by Stephanie Meyer, after the LandBaron recommended them to me. I am currently on book three, and every chapter so far is making me want to gorge my eyes out with a Biro. They are some of the worst books that I have ever read, and I have read some crocks of shit in my time. I�ve no idea why people rave about them so much � they�re badly written and full of crappy, awkward dialogue, dreadful grammar and enough purple prose to sink a ship. Anyone who says things like, ��Yes,� I agreed�� and �He shuddered convulsively� deserves to be barred from publishing for life. I could write more convincingly than Stephanie Meyer, and that�s saying something. And don�t even get me started on whiny, selfish, subservient protagonist Bella, who deserves the biggest slapping possible. They�re also full of unsubtle and VERY unappealing Mormon doctrine. And yet, I have to finish the series now that I�ve started it, because I always have to finish books, no matter how rubbish they are. It may completely break me, but I�m going to finish the one and a half books that I have left, and maybe lose a piece of soul forever. DON�T ANY OF YOU READ THEM, THOUGH. SAVE YOURSELVES.
Off to Cornwall on Saturday, hopefully for a week in the lovely sunshine, as opposed to the heavy thunderstorms that are forecast. I�m blatantly going to go mental on all the ice-cream and Cornish pasties and put on a stone. Very much need a holiday though, as work has turned hideously busy, despite it being summer and therefore the quiet season. Also, the scary grant people are coming tomorrow, so I�m going to have to wear a lab coat all day in the sweltering hot lab and stay away from the Internet.
Very successful driving lesson today, in that I did four perfect hill starts (pet hate, due to one Very Traumatic Driving Lesson a while back) and a perfect bay park. Aha, go me. Couple of indecisive points involving ridiculous cyclists, but all in all he says that I drive above test standard, so that�s all grand. Have booked my theory test for the 14th July, and then practical sometime after that, I guess. Will definitely be dosing up on beta-blockers for the practical � no way am I being Palpitaty McHeartAttack whilst trying to execute a perfect parallel park.
Was in Dumfries at the weekend, meeting another of James�s three billion relatives � distant, distant cousin from Alaska called Linda. Anyway, she was very nice, and I think me and James have decided to go to Alaska next summer to stay with her, and maybe go to Seattle for a week too. I�ve always wanted to go to Alaska, but the 20 hour flight does terrify me somewhat (along with the DVT worries). I also get the feeling that I need to do something exciting with my life, else I�ll stagnate in Sheffield and be no good to man or beast. Yes, I hate flying, but I need to just suck it up and have an adventure whilst I�m young. I mean, we can do things like whale watching, for God�s sake. No phobia is worth saying no to that.*
* Have requested to James that we don�t have a horrific aeroplane crash, and that if we must, we have one where the cabin suddenly depressurises first, and I�m immediately rendered unconscious. Apparently that�s all fine. Have also requested some DVT stockings. Bet he asks me to keep them on all night too!**
** I jest. Obviously.
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