Barrel-rolling to the finish line
21.03.17, 10:26 am

35 weeks pregnant today and currently sat at my desk at work in a kind of stunned mullet stupor, staring blankly at my emails and wondering what I’m meant to be doing. So I thought I’d try and write this, and maybe it’d get my brain working a bit.

I’m so fucking huge and barrel-shaped, and I’m sorry for the swearing but it really is necessary. Most of the time it’s OK, and I think I’m actually mega lucky because I don’t seem to have gained weight anywhere other than my bump and my boobs, but every now and then I catch a look at myself in profile and think, ‘Shit, you’re absolutely massive.’ And I’m sure I actually just look, you know, pregnant, and certainly when I see other heavily pregnant women out and about I just think, ‘Huh, they’re pregnant’ and not ’Huh, they’re a total barrel’ but it’s still a bit tough at times. I just REALLY miss cycling and exercising, and am itching to get back into shape. Should probably chill out a bit and get the baby out first though.

NCT classes have finished now, after a bumper session last week of 5 hours on Saturday morning and then a final 2 hours on the Monday night. I’m not sure I’ve learned that much, as most of my knowledge seems to have come from the internet and The Commando Dad’s Guide To Fatherhood, but I’ve made some nice friends. Most of us met up last night for pizza and chat – we must’ve looked insane, a whole table of barrel women and cheery partners, moaning about heartburn whilst wolfing down lots of heartburn-inducing pizza. Hopefully we’ll keep meeting up once all our babies turn up, because I think you can get pretty frickin’ crazytown locked indoors with a squalling infant all day every day.

Loft conversion has started! Everywhere’s a total mess and silt keeps falling through the bathroom light fixtures into the bath! I’m hoping getting this done just before the baby’s due will remain A Good Idea and not A Total Utter Moron Idea. James’s parents are coming for a visit in two weeks’ time and staying for FOUR DAYS. It’ll be lovely to see them, and they are bringing all the essential baby stuff from James’s cousin, but oh God. I’m going to be even fatter, tireder and grumpier, and there’ll be lots of chat about what our plans are with regards to various Pommy issues, and I don’t know if I can cope. I can’t even booze it away like I could when it was wedding planning time and thus a very similar situation. Oh well, it was either this or they come down for Easter, and that’s much too close to my due date to risk. No one wants the in-laws at home when you go into labour.

Pommy’s currently rumbling around like a dervish inside. Yesterday she decided to have a massive lie-in, so in traditional style I noticed that she hadn’t really moved, tried to ignore the nagging worry for 20 minutes, and then went full THIS BABY NEEDS TO MOVE RIGHT NOW beast mode and poked her continually whilst drinking half a litre of freezing cold water and a load of sugary sweets. Pommy waited another fifteen minutes and then promptly woke up in a total mard, understandably so to be honest, and proceeded to kick the crap out of me for 90 minutes. So I guess we’re even now, and the main thing is that she's fine. 35 days to go! I seem to be getting more anxious the less time there is left, I guess because it’s just so close and I don’t want it taken away from us at the last minute. Still, only 5 weeks to go, and then I can see her and worry about her at the same time!

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