Trifle, Mormons, health workers and Parky D
20.01.06, 12:39 pm

I do apologise for the temporary hiatus. Writing the last entry, and consequently shining a huge spotlight on my horrible, deep, probably irrational fear that I�m not great with showing emotion because I don�t care enough made me, for want of a better word, sad. And I didn�t want to end up writing a load of sad entries about my inner neuroses, because no one should have to read that kind of shit, so I decided to just wait until I felt less sad. Oh, and I had two scary 70%-weighted exams as well, which also hampered efforts. In fact, I haven�t even been online since I last wrote, because I suddenly realised that I hadn�t done nearly enough revision, which means that once I post this I�ll be reading all of your updates for the next hour or so. Anyway. I�m less sad now, although Bernie�s anniversary still keeps sneaking up on me even though it�s way past. However, before the world starts getting any ideas this doesn�t mean that my life has been interesting in any way at all. Every day is still the same mix of Union revision, eating, sleeping and showering, so I�ve just shoved all the highlights of the week together in an order that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Knock yourselves out, y�all!

Mel: I�m due to come on tomorrow, which distresses me slightly.
Hannah: Buggery.
Me: *Sticks hand up* I still haven�t come on yet, and it�s been... eight days now.
Mel: Interesting...
Me: I bet it comes on on exam day as well. You know, if it does I�m going to be writing an angry letter to� someone.
Mel: To...?
Me: To... *flash of inspiration* to the God of Periods. Yeah, that�s the one.
Mel: The god of periods?
Hannah: Wouldn�t that just be the crappest job ever? To be the god of periods. That must be the lowest of all the gods.
Me: Probably be a goddess actually, thinking about it. I bet there is one too, some Greek or Roman goddess.
Hannah: Yup.
Me: God, I bet she�s ugly and a complete bitch.
Hannah: Bet she doesn�t have to have periods either.

It�s either very cute or very sad that I know both Becky�s first and second choice of biscuit. I don�t think she knows mine though, which either means that I don�t talk about biscuits enough or that she talks about them too much. For the record, I like Maryland Cookies. The red packet ones. Anyway, I risked the corner shop to get her some, even though the guys who run it perve at me whenever I go in. It�s just too cheap there to resist though, and I�m addicted to Diet Coke. Speaking of pervs, I see everyone is of the general consensus that Roy�s a big fat one. Thankyou for your notes on the matter; I�m sorry I never replied to them but the anniversaries made me forget about the subject entirely. And I know it�s a serious matter, but I couldn�t help laughing at Gem�s note with its 70 question marks and "cheeky fucking cunt" remark. I will talk about Roy thing properly once I get these exams out of the way.

At a particularly revision-concentrated point of the week, Becky and I were so bored that we distracted ourselves by getting hold of Becky�s new phone, which no one yet has the number for, and texting Michelle: "Your car�s just rolled down the hill", before listening to the running footsteps and slamming front door and falling about pissing ourselves. Becky laughed so much she cried. I have no idea how we�re expecting to get 2:1s in our upcoming exams.

I have, and I think this is the medical term for it, sodded up ears at the moment, which means my balance is totally off and I keep getting weird lurches of vision and dizzy spells, as well as random stabbing pains in my head and face. When I briefly mentioned this problem to my gran on the phone she immediately demanded that I �go see a doctor and get some antibiotics�. My gran seems to think that any body part problem that I suffer with for longer than two hours needs to be treated with antibiotics, else it�s likely to fall off and die. Except when it comes to her, of course. I�ve been at her to go to the doctors and get a blood test done for her loss of feeling in her legs for weeks now, but she keeps putting it off. I think she�s got low potassium levels, but it�ll be months before she bothers telling a doctor about it. She�s going downhill, which I�ve known for a while now and keep ignoring thinking about. Talking about my gran has randomly reminded me of the time she naively bought me a Playboy locket when I was 14. I bet the shop assistants absolutely pissed themselves once she�d left the shop.

Me: *looking over Becky�s shoulder* OOH! A journal all about sub-Saharan health care workers!
Becky: It�s all about why health workers are moving from under-developed countries to developed ones.
Me: Because they�re better?
Becky: Well, yeah.
Me: Done and done! Don�t bother reading anymore! Just write that in your exam, you�ll get an A!
Becky: Thanks dude (she calls me dude; I have no idea why). *Stopping mid quote reading* Can you read that word for me?
Me: "Measures". You can�t say the word "measures"? Seriously?
Becky: My tongue gets stuck halfway through.

Pretty rich coming from me, seeing as I couldn�t say the word "abomination" the other night � kept coming out as "abonimation". A couple of Mormons came round, whom Michelle invited in because she fancied one of them, and they left us a Book of Mormon bible thing. I decided to read random quotes from it whilst some of the housekids made trifle (Michelle had a trifle making kit thing... she�s very random and we were all bored of revising, ergo trifle time. Even though none of us really like trifle. How many times am I going to say the word trifle in this bracket?), and it used the word "abomination" a lot. For your Mormonism knowledge bank, it�s an abomination to baptise children as they are already without sin, and if this ever takes place then everyone will burn in hellfire and have leeches suck out their eyeballs. Or something like that. Michelle seemed quite keen on the idea on Mormonism, until I explained to her that it meant that she couldn�t drink any more cups of tea ever and would spend her life in a Utah-equivalent trailer park being someone�s multiple wife. And maybe having to wear some kind of tunic thing.

Exam time is now upon us, which means I get to say my well loved "You do know it all� you�ve read all your notes and it�s all in your head somewhere, you�ve just got to find it" line whenever one of the housekids is nervous before an exam. They�ve now begun saying it back to me as well, so it�s starting to become a kind of mantra. In other exam news, Paddy and me have now studied Parkinson�s Disease so excessively that we now call it "Parky D" in conversation, like it�s some old friend. I know, you�re all so incredibly jealous of our amazing conversations. I also taught Michelle and Hannah the difference between Parkinson�s Disease and Huntington�s Disease the other night whilst waiting for my pasta to cook (with the visual aid of my Carmex, which surely deserves bonus points), which made me realise that I have actual neuroscience knowledge and may actually deserve my shiny degree after all. Exams still suck ass though, and I�m back to my exam-insomnia thing where I get about 5 hours sleep a night and appear to cope with it just fine until the night before the last exam, where I suddenly collapse in a puddle and have to drink three Red Bulls just to stand up again.

God, this entry is really really long. Probably high time I shut the hell up and go do some revision already. And I will actually follow that excellent plan, but after I�ve read my notes section and read through everyone�s updates. Man, can�t you tell I�m dangerously over-caffeinated right now? No. Stop. Breathe and stop. Need to stop typing, keep breathing and go follow the excellent plan.

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