The Mills & Boon romance is over
22.11.06, 7:29 pm

Oh God, where to start. The voice in my head is rolling its eyes, by the way.

Monday night was possibly one of the most insane nights I�ve had forever. He picked me up from the train station after I got in from Manchester, took me home and then proceeded to have a �talk� with me in the car park of my flat complex. And basically finished things with me. In the middle of a car park. We didn�t even get to sit in the car; we had to stand by the side of it.

I would love to tell you the reason why, but I actually don�t know. He stuttered on for about five minutes about �emotional connections�, and how things had been progressing really quickly (lie) and that it was at a point where he couldn�t sustain the level of emotional connection (what does that mean?), and we were at a point where we had to either made a very deep emotional connection or finish things (lie)(also, what does that mean?). And because he was unsure about where he was in life (I�m assuming this means career stuff) he was ending things.

All of my responses began with a variation of �I don�t understand; I actually have no idea what you�re trying to say�. And then he�d repeat the spiel in a different format. Eventually I got too confused and fucking cold, spat �It was really nice knowing you� at him and walked off to my flat. He drove off. I rang him a few times and left a message, but he ignored my calls and then turned off his phone. I didn�t sleep fantastically.

Lisa got to see me cry yesterday morning, the first time in eleven years of knowing me, which I think she�s secretly really please/relieved about as it proves that I�m not actually a robot. To be honest, it was a lot about being very tired and confused, and when people hug me whilst I�m very tired and confused carnage is going to ensue. Anyway, I decided to email him, very much along the lines of �What the hell is going on in your tiny brain?� and he finally replied around lunchtime. I�d copy and paste the email here but it goes on forever. And I�ve deleted it. And it makes so little sense it may cause mass headaches.

To summarise, it talked a lot about emotional connections (again. Seriously, what is up with his love of that phrase?), and that relationships don�t stand still, and that we either have to go and make a hugely deep emotional connection or end all contact BECAUSE THERE�S JUST NO TIME THERE�S NO TIME AT ALL THE END OF THE WORLD IS NIGH! He didn�t write that last bit. He did write something about him feeling like he maybe liked me more than I liked him, and lots of stuff about him applying for jobs that aren�t in Sheffield. I can�t be bothered going into all of that, but we did talk about the possibility of him having to move away, and it wasn�t a massive problem then.

To be honest, Lisa came home from work, read the email and then summed everything up perfectly by saying, �He sounds more than a little unstable�. I have to agree. I do not want a relationship with a needy, clingy person that expects us to move in together after four months despite their obvious emotional issues. I think I�ve had a really lucky escape, and despite a miserable night/morning after the event and generally feeling quite pissed off at him for the way he went about everything (he�s totally ignored my text so all his stuff that�s still in the flat is going in the bin) I�m not actually massively fussed. I think my concrete belief that he has mental issues is the main contributor to this, and therefore long may it continue!

Life lessons I have learned from this experience:

1. There are a lot more psychos in the world than you�d think.

2. I can get over things relatively quickly, although I suspect the Herbal Happies are helping a lot.

3. Relationships aren�t that great, as indeed I originally knew. They demand shit loads of your time, stop you from seeing your friends and inevitably cause pain and misery. Plus I always end up feeling quite claustrophobic and needing of my own space.

4. It's better to be on your own than with someone who just screws up your head.

4. Could Can�t just be a nun.

In all seriousness, I think it was also doing me no good health-wise. I�ve definitely been feeling more tired recently, and that�s most likely from juggling work and seeing The Twathead. I think I�m better off focussing on getting better and sorting out the anxiety gig and doing well at work. Good old work � I couldn�t wait to get there this morning just so I could lament all to Indie Chick and hear her trademark, �Oh that�s not good, that�s not good at all.� Boo Twathead, you suck ass!

To end on a nice banal note, we had a medical sales guy in at work today, and me and Indie Chick got sent down to see him and pick up a catalogue (and some free chocolate). There were lots of fun coloured epps and pipette tips and test tube racks, and fun swirley machines that shook epps and spun them around, and we both got a little excited. Which only goes to show that I have turned into a full-blown science geek. Yay on me!

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