letter to lisa
13th September 2004, 6:57 pm

letter to lisa:

i could write this in an email but i won't, firstly because i'll follow the trend and secondly because this is, or more accurately you, are a part of my life, and i'd like this to remain as a record, for want of a better word. don't bother taking down your entry, i don't mind.

to be honest i only really realised how things had gotten once i got off the phone to you - talking didn't seem quite right, like something was subconsciously wrong. it's never felt like that before, and kind've spurred me to do something about it.

yes, this year has been particularly hard, and i'm still coming to terms with it. to be honest i haven't really spoken about it much to many people... i talk to paddy a lot about it, probably because we spend a lot of time together and alcohol always lets me talk easier. the times i've spoken to mel about it only really occured because she was around me 24/7 at uni, and so always noticed when i wasn't 100%. i'd love to be able to talk about things more but i just can't seem to - notice that i'm finding it easy writing these things down, but i'd struggle actually saying it out loud. maybe i'll eventually get the hang of it.

as for *, to be honest i'm pretty much fine with it now. i'll probably never be able to fully understand it, because i'm not you, and yes there were times when i was frustrated that you wouldn't just walk away, but i know that you have to do things your own way, get over things in your own way.

we let things slide so much this year... everything was great the summer before uni, but after that... well, not so good. bernie obviously had a lot to do with this, as well as the arguement we had before christmas. i'm gonna try a lot harder this year to do things the right way.

i've also got your birthday present - technically i've ordered it, so i'm hoping that it's gonna get here before i have to go down to sheffield. if not i'll get my dad to send it up to me so that i can give it to you. i'll see you as soon as i can once i'm in sheffield, hopefully the first weekend i'm there. i could always ring you but i think this is a conversation we need to have face-to-face, plus i think i've exhausted the phonebill already by ringing lise on her mobile to say happy birthday, which somehow managed to last 15 minutes.

talk to you soon chick xx

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