Flow of Neverending Moaning
27.07.06, 10:52 am

Lisa - dude, I don't know if you still read this, but if you do then you should probably stop, for both our sakes. Now that we're living together it feels a little weird you knowing all my most innermost thoughts, especially as we end up talking about most of it anyway. Cheers love.

Okay, so here we go again - another entry I'm writing by hand and will type up once I get down to the Union. I'm kind've house-bound at the moment due to the MI (more on that later when I get into the midst of my planned Flow of Neverending Moaning - attempt to read only if you're a hardcore optimist) but I'll hopefully post this by Thursday or Friday.

So anyway, despite being kind've house-bound I did venture into Walkley to buy some milk (and Smarties). Walkley's so cute - Netto Ghetto is fast becoming my most favourite place ever, the pet shop has a poster saying "kittens now available" and there's a barber's that has a sign proclaiming student discounts and then helpfully has two pictures of random men, each with the caption "Student". Anyway, the last few days have been pretty uneventful, bar applying for jobs, getting annoyed because a lot of job require hep B immunisation and I don't have that, watching shitty daytime TV and drinking coffee.

Despite all that boringness I'm actually in a not bad mood today (NB it's Thursday and I'm back to being a bit sad), and therefore feel more up to the challenge of writing about all the vaguely depressing things that are going on. I'll be taking no prisoners - everything will be jumping on the passing Misery train - so feel free to skim. This is the schedule:

1) My dad.
2) Job situation.
3) Paddy.
4) MI.

1) My dad went to the doctors a few years ago for a check-up and found out that he had horrifically high blood pressure - 200/something high. He's now on 3 types of medication to keep it down, and then the other day went for another BP check and found that it was still too high - 170/110. The doctor sent him to have an ECG - clearly everyone is wanting them some ECG magic - to check for any damage and stuff, and he'll get the results any day soon. In the meantine he's decided that he's probably going to skip the appointment, and will refuse to have his medication adjusted or added to. Apparently he's "not taking a fourth pill, and there's no way [he's] becoming the doctor's guinea pig project." He's already refused to take beta-blockers because of "all the weird side effects".

So whilst all my dad's health rights remain wonderfully intact, he continues to be one walking heart-attack risk. It's such typical stubborn him behaviour and I'm so pissed off at him. Except I can't tell him that because it'll do bugger all good, and I couldn't at the time either, as he told me and my gran at the same time, and seeing as she ahs an in-built mistrust of all doctors she just agreed with everything he said and made him feel totally validated.

2) Still no job prospects, despite applying for about three million. Am I just totally unemployable or something? Not that I could even slightly hold down a job at the moment with the MI but still. I hate living without an income, it's so unsettling. I'll just be doing everyday stuff like washing up or going to sleep and, "And don't forget you haven't got a job" will interruot my thought stream and put me on a downer. I know it's not a massive issue yet, but my money's going to run out soon.

3) And then there's Paddy, always Paddy. Following on from the job paragraph, he texted me last night to say that he's taking applications for the Home Office (he works as part of the recruitment department) and that he could give me one, and then coach me for the interview because he knows what they're looking for. He's so lovely. Since graduation he's been on my mind a lot, and I can't really shift it. This moving on thing doesn't seem to be happening. I know I'm generally rubbish at relationships, but I'm so certain that he'd be different. He never gave me a chance. There is so much more to this paragraph but I'm going to shut up because time's short.

4) Last but not least, the obligatory health assessment. The same tired old statements, except things are really quite bad at the moment. After plateauing for ages, the tiredness has gone up another level. I know I've said it before, but I've definately never felt this tired before. For some periods of time it's like I'm walking in a dream - talking to people is too much effort because I can hardly focus on what they're saying, and stuff kind've swims around in my vision. I keep getting dizzy spells. I know none of it's life-threatening or anything, but it's been two and a half months of the mystery illness and the whole thing's really starting to get to me.

Sorry that went on for so long and was so whiny. And if anyone has any solutions to the above problems... actually that's be great, let me know if you do. Meanwhile, I've just been told that I'm going to the zoo in a couple of weeks' time with Mel and Rich, which is definately a big yay, and life continues to trundle on like it always does.

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