I need your lovin' like the sunshine, and everybody's gotta learn sometime
18.01.08, 6:14 pm

I wrote this over a week ago, but it still stands, so I�ll keep it for the opening.

Another serious talk was had on Saturday, after we got back from New Mills. I can always tell when James wants to have a serious talk� he just changes ever so subtly. Anyway, it looks like the London placement is pretty much definitely going ahead. I was supportive and adult and encouraging, and we talked about how much we�ll miss each other and how rubbish it�ll be, and then we went off and had sex. Which just goes to show how weird relationships can be. We did talk about how much we love each other too, though, and it�s because I love him so much that I want him to do this placement thing. Even if it is quite a long way away and will happen just before my birthday.

I know the score of, �You can seem him some weekends though� and �It�s not forever� and �Least he�s not in Australia!� I know all that, and I know it could be worse, and I�ll just miss him, that�s all. We see each other so much, and he�s such a huge part of my life now� it�ll just take a while to adjust. And despite all the crapness it�s brought us closer together, in a weird way, because it�s made me realise how very wonderful and special he is all over again.

The anniversaries were pretty crap, because even when you�re clearly not thinking about old memories you end up horribly sad anyway, kind�ve like you�re subconsciously aware of the date. Even though anniversaries have never been a massive thing for me� I mean, I make a note of them in here, but only because I feel too guilty not to. For me, I miss them all year around, and sometimes due to incredibly innocuous triggers (hello, nice woman on the bus holding hands with your daughter!), and so don�t need a recognised day to sit around and mope. At least, that was how it was meant to all pan out. Anyway, done for another year.

I had an appointment with the cardiologist yesterday afternoon, after chasing up my hospital referral letter that was sent ten eons ago. They�ve sent me for further testing, which�ll be in about a fortnight. Thankyou to the lovely woman at the bus stop who let me share her umbrella and told me which stop I needed to get off at.

Off to James�s later for some tea with him and his parents, and will then come back to pack, as we�re leaving at three in the morning to go skiing. I still do not like flying, and like it even less now that a PLANE FELL FROM THE SKY. Also, all of my ski stuff has been pilfered from various friends, and consequently nothing matches/fits. Despite this, I�m looking forward to it, or at least will be once the flying part is out of the way.

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