Of driving tests
16.09.09, 6:22 pm

So here�s how the morning went in loving detail (in case anyone didn�t see the earlier entry, I�ll tell you now that I passed):

� 5:30am: wake up, thanks to LandBaron clattering around, instantly think DRIVING DRIVING DRIVING and consequently scupper any further chance of sleep. This happened on Tuesday morning as well. I am so frickin� tired as I type this.
� 6:30am: get up, drink strong coffee, avoid breakfast. Fret.
� 8:05am: can�t stand fretting anymore, so walk to work. Feel guilty about lack of breakfast so buy and eat a banana. Feel ill.
� 8:35am: pace about at work getting on everyone�s nerves.
� 9:20am: am picked up by Andy and drive about for an hour. Go through all my manoeuvres. Find, with five minutes to go, that my parallel parks are off, due to oversteering. Have no time to fix it. Panic internally.
� 10:20am: arrive at the test centre, along with a gaggle of similar test-taking people. Meet my invigilator, and sign some stuff. Have slight urge to cry, which is, frankly, unhelpful.
� 10:25am: do the eyesight check. Walk back to the car and realise that I�ve read the number plate incorrectly. No one appears to notice/care. Keem schtum. Do the boring car maintenance questions.
� 10:30am: first of the pupils to set off (it�s a race! And I�m winning!) and start the route.
� 10:35am: engage in chit-chat on a boring bit of road. Invigilator is very serious. Standard �what do you do for a living� question. Ramble on about cancer for a bit.
� 10:37am: invigilator asks me, deadly serious, �So, Holly, what do you do for fun?� Give a VERY LOUD snort of laughter, and try to make amends by saying, �Driving about Sheffield, it seems.� This is taken as a serious answer.
� 10:40am: What Do You Do For Fun topic is continued. I say that I like playing guitar, singing, reading. Ask him what he does for fun. He says, �None of those things.� I say, �No, it�s okay, you�re allowed to have different hobbies.� Sense invigilator does not understand that I�m being flippant.
� 10:42am: have to do horrible sharp bend on Jawbone Hill and do it a little too quickly. Hope that haven�t instantly failed.
� 10:45am: reach junction I have never seen before and am asked to turn right. Total dickhead is randomly sat in my right-turn lane. Have no idea what to do so stop and wait until he turns out. Hope that haven�t instantly failed.
� 10:48am: am asked to do a reverse round a corner. Am normally very good at these. Halfway through manoeuvre realise have inexplicably ended up in the middle of the road. Panic but manage to get back to the edge of the kerb again.
� 10:50am: am asked to join a dual-carriageway by doing a right turn from a minor road. Have insane moment when think about turning right onto the wrong side of the dual-carriageway, before thankfully noticing the person in front of me is doing the same thing as me and is waiting in the middle of the carriageway to turn onto the correct side. Wish to marry mystery driver in front.
� 10:52am: get back to known territory, and have feeling will have to end test with a bay park, as time is running out. More dreadful chit-chat about the weather. Invigilator appears to find my opinion on our lousy summer offensive, and tells me that the summer�s been great. Resist urge to laugh at him.
� 10:57am: trundle about Penistone Road doing various roundabouts. Ramble some more about cancer. Invigilator has no idea about cancer. Find out that his dad is an invigilator as well. Am supremely unsurprised by this fact.
� 11:00am: arrive back at test centre (first of the pupils back! Still winning!) and am asked to do a bay park. Hate bay parks. Have to do bay park in front of entire group of driving instructors (including mine), who have congregated outside to wait for their pupils to return. Somehow do perfect bay park.
� 11:02am: stop engine. Invigilator sits totting up his sheet whilst I stew. Finally tells me that I�ve passed. Resist urge to play fanfare on the car horn. Asks me where I think my faults were. Ramble on about the reverse round a corner.
� 11:04am: invigilator tells me off for doing bay park slowly. Goes on and on and on. Point out that I did the manoeuvre successfully. Am ignored. Tune out his voice and give Andy the thumbs-up through the window.
� 11:05am: invigilator has to ask me three times for my licence, as am blatantly not listening. Sense invigilator thinks I�m an imbecile. Ramble about how I wasn�t sure what I was doing at junction where Mr Dickhead was blocking the way. Suddenly decide to shut up as invigilator looks like he�s regretting passing me.
� 11:08am: hug Andy. Am driven back to work, blathering on the entire time. Tell entire floor that have passed, and then ring anyone who�ll pick up and tell them too. Proceed to do zero work for the rest of the day. No one seems to mind.

Seriously cannot believe that I�ve passed. I got five minors � two for the rubbishy reverse round a corner, one for hesitating (don�t remember), one for not moving off safely (don�t remember) and one for not planning ahead sufficiently (don�t remember). You�d think they�d bother to say why you�ve received the minor.

Anyway, it�s done. Somehow, amazingly, it�s all done. I�ve been so worried about it all � literally have been thinking about driving non-stop for the past week � and now I don�t have to have any more lessons, and juggle my hours around at work and go without lunch. The idea of driving around by myself is still mildly terrifying though, and I�m definitely going to have a few motorway lessons, because they look scary as hell to drive on. Still, I�m a pink licence person now. Go team me!

N. B. Thank you for putting up with my incessant driving lesson-based moaning for the past few months. See, we got there in the end!

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