Of starving and palpitations
01.02.10, 9:21 am

It has not been a good week for me, I have to admit. Last weekend was grand, as Becky and Mel came down and we basically rocked around James's house and ate all his food and James was completely lovely about everything. We watched part of The 40 Year-Old Virgin and only me and Mel found it funny (read: are mentally 12 and find sex jokes HILARIOUS), and wandered around town and went for walks and it was all good. Becky is still wonderful and frustrating in equal measures, but I think she's always going to be like that now. She just seems to be a child that's been shoved in an adult's situation.

But yeah, this week = not so good. I've got some kind of weird stomach 'flu thing, or at least I hope it's something like that, where my ears, head and sinuses are very sad and I can't eat anything without feeling sick and weird. I'm also shivery and exhausted despite doing cock all for about 4 days. The worst of it, though, is that I palpitate horribly whenever I lie down or get vaguely horizontal. It's really stressing me out � I've been staying at James's since Wednesday because I don't want to be on my own at night, and I cried three times on Wednesday night, which is so out of character for me I can't even describe.

I've been off work since Thursday, when I was sent home for looking awful (good timing too, as I threw up upon getting to James's) and I'm off to the doctors today, though I think they're just going to send me home again. I mean, things are okay... I'm taking a beta-blocker every night to help me get to sleep, and I've gotten used to not eating much. I'm just really worried that my heart's gone a bit mental, and that I'm always going to palpitate when I lie down now. I also don't want to go back to work because I'm tired and sad, and too proud to risk breaking down at work.

I don't really have much else to say. I need to go make myself look human for the doctors, and I'm too cold sat up here. James have given me some Zola to read and it's uber depressing, so might go take up residence on the sofa again. James has been nothing short of wonderful this week, and I don't know what I'd have done without him.

Sorry, normal updating to hopefully resume soon.

last - next