Dreaming of a baseball bat
28.01.14, 3:18 pm

My uncle rang me at work yesterday, which always freaks me out as he only ever rings me when it�s something to do with my gran, and so I instantly thought that he was ringing to tell me that she�d died. She hadn�t died, thank God, but someone did break into her house on Sunday night. Some twathead fuckfaced thief broke into her bedroom and stole her things, and when she came across him he just carried on stealing as she stood there, and then when she went to the kitchen to phone the police he tried to force his way into the room with her, and she had to barricade herself in there by wedging her walker against the radiator.

I�m so angry, so blood-boilingly furious that I just want to stab things. She�s OK but so shaken up, and also sad because all of her jewellery has been stolen, and most of it was given to her by people who mattered. Who is this fucking shitbag who thinks he can just come in and violate her home, where she�s supposed to be safe, and just take the things that matter to her? And then doesn�t even care when he�s caught, and just carries on stealing from her, as if she isn�t even a real person at all? I keep having daydreams where I�m in the house with her, and I�m the one who finds him, and I just smash him around the face with a baseball bat over and over again.

I rang her last night and suggested that she move house, but she doesn�t want to because she�s 85 and it�d be a massive upheaval for her. I don�t want her living in inner Nottingham anymore though; it�s as rough as fuck in places and full of utter scumbags. This is the 4th or 5th time she�s been burgled now, and so far they�ve all been non-violent burglars, but it might not always be like that. I mean, that�s what I�m afraid of the most: that next time she�ll get some twitchy crackhead with a knife who doesn�t care about who he hurts. Oh God, I just want to hit something.

I actually asked her to move to Sheffield, so that she�d be close to me. She laughed and said, �You don�t want some old woman living nearby�, and that actually just makes me feel really sad. I know that it probably doesn�t matter where she lives, because there�s no place that�s free from crime, but at least if she was close then I could maybe look after her better, and feel less useless. She�s my responsibility, now my mum is dead, and I constantly feel like I don�t do enough. I just want her to be safe, and not lonely, and to remain independent but to be looked after. And I have no idea how to do that when I�m living so far away.

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