Bladder finally likes me again
25.10.16, 12:37 pm

14 weeks today and feeling a bit less awful, thank Christ. It’s been quite a rough first trimester, but since last week my stomach seems to have calmed down and my hormones have levelled out, so I can finally eat without feeling like I’m about to die and things don’t feel quite so much like the end of the world. Still pretty tired but that’s no biggie – anyone can cope with tiredness. So hopefully this entry will be less dramatic than the previous ones.

The heart is still a dick more times than not, but I can finally, FINALLY take my beta blockers again. Jesus, what a relief! Stupidly, once I’d been given the all-clear I had a while of thinking, ‘Mmm, maybe I just won’t take any until the end of pregnancy, because what if the tiny amount of risk still causes something to happen?’ And then I had a horrible lunchtime attack, and eventually took one, and the beautiful relief was honestly one of the best things. So sod that idea, the new idea is to not take them twice a day like I did before, but as and when it gets really bad.

Dating scan was last Tuesday – man, that was a nervous one. Didn’t sleep very well the night before, then overdid the full bladder instruction so was sat in the waiting room dying both of anxiety palpitations and of desperately needing a wee. Finally got into the scan room and my heart just went NUTS, extra beat every other beat, honestly thought I was a gonner. And then the sonographer said, ‘Nice strong heartbeat’ and the palpitations went instantly, it was the funniest thing. Saw the little guy hanging out, firstly asleep and then awake after getting poked by the scanner a few times, waving his arms around and swallowing. I rode the biggest wave of relief imaginable. James held my hand and said, ‘Oh, well done’ in that gentle, sappy way he did at the 7 week scan, and it was all just great. Thought my bladder was going to explode though.

Got out and waited for the photos, whilst seriously feeling like my bladder was rupturing. Was finally, FINALLY allowed to wee and had the best piss I’ve ever had, even better than the one where I had to get a whole line of people to stand up and let me out of a lecture theatre, and the guy stopped lecturing and everything to watch me go. Went to see the midwife, was poked, prodded and bled, just for a change, and then saw the consultant. Was finally released after two hours, went for a celebratory Starbucks and started telling everyone.

And so I’m finally full of relieved excitement, knowing there’s a little alive bambino in there. Tried doing a cycle yesterday – first one since pregnant as I can now pill up for it – and thought I was dying by the end. Heart also went nuts for a while and felt a bit strange for a couple of hours, so I obviously went at it too hard. It’s a bit sad, because that would’ve been a breeze pre-pregnancy, but I just need to remember that things are different now. Going to try getting into yoga instead, even if some of the hippier aspects feel a bit insane.

James’s sister’s wedding went fine and was lovely, though was mega full-on. Had to have 2 extra sleeps a day like some kind of granny. Scenery was beautiful though, and stomach was better so managed most of the slightly odd food (read: v expensive, tasting menu gourmet stuff). It is nice to be home again though, and to just watch Great British Bake Off on the sofa with James and a cup of tea.

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