The beat goes on, just about
14.11.16, 9:34 am

17 weeks pregnant now, and it’s gone back to sucking quite a lot. Eating anything is still a bit of a challenge, as are all the inevitable cardiac events all day every day. They’re just about bearable when my mood is good, but tortuous when I’m tired and sad. When it’s really bad I just go to bed at 8.30pm and reset the day, and try not to think about how long there is to go. It’s quite disconcerting to find myself actively not looking forward to the next day every night, because I’m usually pretty optimistic about things.

Saw the midwife last Thursday and moaned to her a bit, but in that idiotic British way when you plan on explaining how hellish it all is in great detail, and then get there and are all, ‘Yes, it’s a bit of a drag but I’m sure it’ll get better soon! The main thing is I’m still breathing!’ Everything else was all fine though, no weird diseases, and best of all we had a sneaky listen to the heartbeat and found it immediately, which is a relief. It’s a weird time, because a lot of your symptoms have gone and you’re past the sticky 12-week time point, so you’re just bumbling along presuming everything is OK.

My cardiology results have also come back, and whilst my echocoardiogram was fine (looking at heart structure) my ECG came back a bit unusual (heart electrical activity). I have right-hand deviation, which means the pulmonary side of the heart is under more strain than it should be. I don’t really know if it’s just because of the pregnancy, or if it’s serious or not, but I’m resisting the urge to Google because that never, ever makes you feel better about anything. I have a cardio clinic on the 21st anyway, so hopefully they’ll talk to me about it then.

Apart from that, life goes on, just incredibly slowly. Have a tiny bump now, so went to MeadowHall on Saturday and bought some maternity jeans. Despite the initial, ‘Ugh, whale times are a-coming’, they’re actually MEGA comfortable, and make you feel a lot more sophisticated than bumming around in your joggers like Waynetta. It’s weird having a bump, but oddly fine – at least there’s proof something’s growing in there! To be honest though, the idea of going about your day but carrying this tiny growing person about wherever you go is a weird, weird idea too, if you really think about it. I’m still convinced it’s a boy but the heartbeat sounded like a galloping horse on the Doppler, rather than a steam train, so who knows.

Such awful news about stepfordtart. She was such a wonderful, funny, kind-hearted woman.

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