Cured
7th June 2005, 4:31 pm

Cured! Had my last counselling session today (creepily the counselling service texted me yesterday to remind me of my appointment today, which is a good thing as I had forgotten, but how did they get my number?) and I can announce for the record that I am fixed. Well almost fixed anyway, plus I think I fixed myself rather than C imparting endless words of wisdom on me.

I'm a little flippant about it... counselling was actually hard work, but it feels like things are rounded off now. Some things you just can't change, no matter how many times you talk about them, ie. the relationship that my dad and I have, and I have to just get used to it, I guess.

It's the most perfect day in the world today - the sun's shining, the sky is completely blue with no visible clouds. Everyone is outside enjoying the sunshine... except me, that undernourished albino sat up in her greenhouse room, trying to force herself to give a shit about gene transcription factors and arse-wank Drosophila. I'm fighting a losing battle though, as I've been getting 4-5 hours of a sleep a night for about two weeks now, and the human body isn't meant to function like that.

I only got four hours sleep last night because I had the most random and shameful night I've had in a long time, possibly ever. I actually can't write about it, as a couple of my everyday life friends read this journal, and I don't want them reading about it and being disgusted. Frustrating I know, seeing as this is my sodding journal and I should be able to write about anything I like, but it's just not worth the risk. Just think about the most shameful thing that you've ever done and it's probably on a par with that. I still can't quite believe it actually happened...

Son of Carrack waved to me and mouthed "Y'alright?" as I left the house and wandered down the high street to the cashpoint. He's actually mildly sexy, and I like to believe that he fancies me, along with the Pisa Pizza shop man (possibly referred to as Burger Man before now) who definately does. Does anyone else think that the word "sexy" is actually sexy itself in the way that it looks written down?

God, focus and go do some goddamn revision, Holly.

7:51pm:
Have only just realised that I had maybe 15 counselling sessions and didn't cry once, even though C made me anaylse the most painful parts of my life extensively. I think I must be emotionally stunted, or have a gene missing or something.

last - next