Sorry, keyboard
14.11.05, 2:35 pm

God, I am just writing TOO many entries at the moment. This is what I do though, when things get vaguely angsty: I write all this kind of stuff down because it's easier than talking to a real live person about it. Plus I can't talk to any of the real live people in my vicinity, because they'd all be appalled and that'd make me feel even worse. So for now, my keyboard bears the brunt of it. Oh, and thankyou for the notes, as always they're hugely appreciated and made me feel better.

I'm still feeling as wank as last night, but there's no point dwelling on that. I also didn't sleep that well, because of the wankness, which is handy for explaining away my less than chirpy nature at the moment. I'm noticing vaguely worried glances already, which makes me wonder just how annoyingly happy I normally am. Maybe I should tone it down a bit when I get back to normal.

Oh, I went home to Manc this weekend, with grandmother in tow, in case anyone wants a weekend low-down. Bar the terrifying driving, which made me more nervous than usual because it was in the dark and she now refuses to wear a seatbelt, the weekend was actually quite bearable, with minimum nagging. She thinks I'm anorexic though.

Dog racing on Friday night was big amounts of fun, especially as it was freezing - I was able to wear my huge winter coat and scarf, which makes me look vaguely sophisticated for once. I think I normally look like a scruffy grunge, which doesn't always give off the best impression. Anyway, I didn't win a single penny, and spent most of the evening stupidly calling the greyhounds "horses" and asking people to buy me a pony ("Aww I want a pony. Buy me a pony! No wait... buy me a fallabella, they're cheaper! A brown and white one! It could live in my room forever and I'd call it Christopher!"). Madness took over me when I bought a pint of CARLING RAT PISS in a plastic pint glass, and drank it in about three minutes. It tasted disgusting, hence the speed. I didn't buy anymore.

Today I woke up, watched the Jeremy Kyle show, thought about just staying in bed all day, and then pushed myself out of bed and went off to my lecture in the Hallamshire Hospital. We had a really good lecture on schizophrenia, which, if nothing else, finally taught me how to spell that damn word properly. Don't ever get schizophrenia, it's a serious amount of no fun.

Walked partly home with Paddy - he was very tired and I was very down, so you can imagine how the conversation just flowed. It's so fucking cold in my room at the moment that I'm soon going to have to start wearing two jumpers, especially as I'm planning on spending all day hauled up in here. Roll on sunshine and kittens time please.

Edit: 3:59 pm
Just been informed that I'm going to the pub tonight with the Neuroscience kids. If this turns into me getting horrendously drunk, coming home and having a breakdown then I will NOT be happy.

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