The degree result
22.06.06, 1:05 am

My "provisional unapproved degree classification result" wasn't put up on the noticeboard until after 4pm, so for the majority of the day I was bumming around the house, trying to kill time with meaningless tasks and drinking lots of Diet Coke because it gave me something to do. Mel turned up at half twoish, so time after that went a little more quickly, but it was still literally forever before ten to four rolled round, and me, Mel and Em (there purely for support) left the house.

We went to the Psychology department first for Mel�s result, as I told Paddy I�d wait for him to finish work and get my result with him later on. Mel got a 2.1 and we all did the big happy thing, and then walked down to the Union to kill time before quarter to five, which is when Paddy was meeting me. I bought phone credit in preparation, and then sat on the wall by my department, twiddling my thumbs and trying to ignore the people off my course who kept coming out and talking about the 2.1s that they�d got. For some reason it made me think that there wouldn�t be any 2.1s left, and that I surely must have a 2.2. At one point I watched a pigeon walk past me, and then suddenly had the totally insane thought of, �Well, if I don�t get a 2.1 I could always be a pigeon or something�. Stress and worry clearly do things to a person�s brain.

After quarter to five had gone I got a call from Paddy, saying that he was just leaving and that he�d be five minutes. He sounded hugely worried and completely wasn�t five minutes, more like fifteen. When he finally did turn up (I was totally stressed out by now) we all went into the department building towards the noticeboard, where the results are basically in the form of [registration number] � [degree classification] in a big long list. I started scanning down the list for my registration number, which is 030114319 for any number fact geeks out there, and suddenly realised that it wasn�t in the list, resulting in me saying frantically, �My number�s not here! Oh God, my number�s not on the list�� whilst simultaneously thinking, �Oh Jesus, I did so badly that I haven�t even got a degree class. They�re going to have to have a special meeting to decide what to do about my mark�. Until Em suddenly said, �Hol, you�re looking at the wrong list. That�s Medical Sciences and you want Neuroscience, it�s the next list along�.

So I scanned down that list, and I finally found my registration number, and followed the line across and saw that I�d gotten a 2.1. A big fat shiny 2.1. And I said it out loud as this huge crashing wave of relief and general fantasticness washed over me, and as Mel hugged me I suddenly had tears in my eyes, and if there�d been a thought bubble above my head it would�ve read GET FUCKING WELL IN! Paddy got a 2.1. as well, and Amy got a 2.2, which I still can�t believe but there you go. We went outside and I rang thirty thousand people to let them know, with my sister sounding more excited about it than I was. And then we went off to the pub to celebrate with Vicky, who also got a 2.1, but minus Paddy as he had to get home. He gave me a huge hug and a kiss on the cheek (we appear to be back up to kisses again) as he left, and said that he was �so, so pleased for me�. You and me both, dude. To be honest, it was just so fucking wonderful to not feel disappointed like I have done on so many results days.

The early evening was spent in our local drinking pints and eating onion rings, but I�m sorry to say that the rest of the evening was spent at home watching telly and eating Flying Saucers, as we were all exhausted. But yeah, in the end it�s all been worth it. All the revision and the Long QT work and the endless afternoons sat in lab 6a hunched over a microscope for the stupid rat brain report. All the extra dissection sessions I went to to get over my sudden dissection anxiety shit, and all the endless worrying that I did over whether I�d be able to pull my second year average of 58 up into the 2.1 boundary. All the journal reading and presentation practising and the making myself go to those shitty early morning Cancer Biology lectures that I HATED. It was all worth it. And I feel stupidly, almost savagely, proud, because I finally feel like I�ve shown people that I�m intelligent and competent and worthy of the past concessions that I�ve been given, rather than just a huge failure who�s nothing like her genius high-flying sister. Yes, my A-level results were rubbish and I didn�t meet the requirements for my degree so shouldn�t technically be here in the first place, and my second year marks weren�t the best and I didn�t always revise as much as I could have physically managed, but it doesn�t matter anymore. I got a 2.1. And I now get to write letters after my name.

This entry doesn�t even slightly do justice to the feelings that I currently have swimming around, but it�s something at least. Also, I�ve got my second interview with Dr Cho on Friday afternoon at 2pm � he emailed me back this afternoon, thus making this day the most perfect day ever. Please send me good luck vibes, for I�m definitely going to need them.

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