Yay boat and the Jewish Mafia
30.06.06, 1:24 pm

[This was written yesterday morning] Oh man, it�s been a while since I last wrote, and I have so many fascinating tales to tell you. Except not. Forgive me, I�m sky-high on Dettol Multi-Action Wipes fumes at the time of starting this (best invention ever, nothing is a match for their anti-bacterial formula), and have to go to the doctors very soon so have no chance of finishing it in one sitting, which means I�ll have to keep coming back and will end up writing the most disjointed, swear-happy entry ever. Hang in there; I�m sure it�ll be worth it in the end.

I just nipped downstairs to have a wee and nearly came to a sticky end on the stairs, as my legs just half-collapsed (go MI!). They�re not happy and neither am I, as most of the housekids have nobbed off home and left me, Em and Vicky to clean the entire house. Our landlords are total fascists and sent us the thickest, most ridiculous check-list of cleaning tasks ever � anyone who thinks I�m going to be wiping down the strip lights can go fuck themselves good and hard, I�m way too busy scrubbing the brickwork with a toothbrush and cleaning the inside of the washing machine with my own spit. I�m so very close to sending the kids a pissed off email telling them not to worry, we�ve properly done their rooms after their sad little attempts (special points to Hannah, who left a load of clothes in her wardrobe and didn�t bother reattaching her curtain) and will be charging �4.50 an hour for the effort.

So yeah, I�ve spent the last few days cleaning and packing. Packing my room took surprisingly little time, given my lack of boxes and vast piles of useless crap, and cleaning it was made much simpler by anything even slightly biodegradable being thrown out of the window. Em made us all wear hats yesterday to make the cleaning more fun, and so gave herself an oversized sombrero, Vicky had the sparkly pink bowler that Michelle wore for every fancy dress event ever and I had my Jewish gangster hat. And then because it was our last night together (I�ll be getting to the mushy sentimental stuff later on in the entry) we went off to Bar One to meet some of our combined course friends. It was a very good night, especially as me and Phil did the 2:1 BSc Hons dance, and very fitting seeing as I spent my very first night of uni in Bar One also. Except then I was a lot less classy, and drank vast quantities of snakebite and black.

In non-cleaning news, Tuesday I did indeed go and meet Paddy for lunch, although it was more of a sandwich-eating affair sat outside the cathedral, and then we went and bought ice creamsand sat in the Peace Gardens.

Paddy: Aww, my stick has a joke on it! Oh no, it�s a cross between a joke and a riddle and it�s just rubbish.
Me: I still want to know what it is.
Paddy: How about you guess instead?
Me: Okay. Is it about penguins?
Paddy: No.
Me: Is it about people?
Paddy: It�s about as much about people as it is about penguins.
Me: Erm, roads? Jobs? Food?
Paddy: No.
Me: Shapes?
Paddy: Shapes? Yeah, because the best jokes are always like, �Oh, did you hear the one about the circle?�

The actual joke was Q: What only has one foot? A: A leg. Clearly any form of shape joke would beat that. And writing that has just reminded me of Emma, who used to try and phone the Fab ice cream helpline when she was bored to ask the person on the end of the line why they were called Fabs when they weren�t actually fab, and shouldn�t they be called Not Bads instead? Anyway, we then went and signed me up with City Catering temping agency (UGH, may possibly prove to be the biggest mistake of my life, bar, you know, my old smoking habit, picking A Level Maths and leaning on that barbed wire fence when I was 8) before Paddy went back to work and I dragged myself home. Ice cream with Paddy was supremely lovely, and I had to stop myself from touching him in a best friends kind�ve way because it only makes things harder.

On a random side note, because it�s playing as I type this, the second guy who raps on Blazin� Squad � Flip Reverse has the best voice EVER. I have to play his verse over and over again because it cracks me up every single time � �I�m the kinda body like a lot of heat undercover�� HA! Who cares that it makes no sense whatsoever, someone give him a medal! And I�m suddenly feeling very sorry for Becky, as she had to endure a whole year of me repeat playing that same verse over and over again whilst cackling insanely. Sorry, Becky. And sorry to all you lot too, this is actually what goes on inside the depths of my brain and it�s a sad, sad state of affairs. There may be a small part of brain that managed to get me a degree, but the rest of it�s just luke warm mush.

Okay, so I wrote all of that yesterday, and am now back in casa Manchester with all of my stuff. I loathe moving; it�s one of the most knackering things ever and the MI is totally hating me today � my legs are finding even standing up too painful after a while, so I�ve got lots of bumming around planned for today. But yeah, my dad turned up about 9pm last night, and we got back to Manc for about half eleven. And so this is it, my university existence is officially over now that I�ve left the old house, and I can no longer refer to the housekids as the kids and instead will have to use their proper names. It�s all kind�ve sad, knowing that I won�t be living with them anymore. I miss Em already � we spent the whole entire year living together as we were both around last summer, and it doesn�t feel right not having her knocking around and telling me about how she had to take a load of blood whilst hungover. She�s so very much like me, which is probably why we get on so well, but there�s no way in hell I�m ever going to let her take any of my blood now.

And so here you go, in my attempt to summarize the last three years of my life: this is me on the second day of uni in my Halls of Residence, sitting in Rich�s kayak after him and Dunsen had just pushed me down the length of the corridor in it. You�d think I could look at least a little homesick and not completely YAY BOAT!:

Okay, I�m pretty sure other stuff has happened but this entry is getting ridiculously long. I�m off to have a cup of and kill time until the football this afternoon. One last thing though:

last - next