I'm GOING to the zoo
11.08.06, 1:39 pm

I�m currently in the middle of a huge ME crash, most likely due to the stress of the week and going to see Paddy on Wednesday. All the muscles in my arms are burning, my legs ache, I�m a little dizzy and completely exhausted and brain-dead. If this entry makes no sense at all then I do apologise, and can only blame it on my stupid brain fog.

Everything is so weird at the moment, and I�m not sure how to go about writing about it all. I want to say firstly that I�ll probably be writing about the whole ME thing a lot for the time being, and you�ll probably all end up sodding experts in the thing, and therefore want to say sorry if it gets a little boring or moany. I also want to say sorry in case my entries become more serious in the next few weeks, and I talk less about fun things and more about tiredness and doctor appointments and pills. I�m not sure if that all makes sense, but anyway, I�m sorry. Hopefully once I�m on some medication or other I�ll feel more like myself, and be able to write entries that are more enjoyable to read.

We have Internet in the flat, or at least Lisa�s laptop�s working � my computer�s still stubbornly refusing to connect. Her and Linda have gone out for lunch, and so I have some time to myself. I�m so up-and-down at the moment that it�s starting to piss me off. I would love to just have a big fuck-off cry about the whole thing but I can�t, I think because I�m just too tired to. And despite the crash I�m still going to the zoo tomorrow.

I�m so fucking stubborn; clearly I should be resting, and it�ll wipe me about for a week, but I�m still going. I was going to stay home, but then wonderful Mel�s parents, who are so lovely and so good to me, said that they�d take me and Mel down to Rich�s (in Nuneaton) on the way to seeing her sister Kate (who�s in Coventry), and that they�d pick me up from my house on the way to save me knackering myself on public transport in order to meet them at MeadowHell. Me and Mel are then stopping at Rich�s for the night, and then tomorrow he�s driving us to Twycross Zoo and we are going to have a good time, even if Rich has to carry me around the damn place on his back. Which he�d definitely do I think � he came up to Sheffield Monday night and gave me a lift back from the station, and we then sat outside the flat drinking tea for a while, before going off to the Cobden for a drink, and as we said bye I gave him a kiss on the cheek which I think was a big mistake, as he perked up considerably afterwards and gave me a big smile. But anyway, this zoo trip IS going to be a good thing.

It�s clearly not a good idea in any shape or form, but if I don�t get out of the flat I think I may go insane. I also think Lisa and Linda would like some time on their own, and they obviously can�t have that with ME girl flopping around the place. Speaking of friends, I got a letter from Becky this morning, containing some stuff on ME that her mum (being a nurse) had got for me off of the NHS files, along with a lovely note that I won�t quote for fear of giving you all an overdose of mush. People are being great about it all�not everyone but most, although I�m so worried that Lisa�s going to get sick of me having no energy and not tidying the house enough and not being able to have decent conversations with her on account of my brain sucking ass. But that�s something for another entry.

The plan for the afternoon is to make some lunch with minimum effort, and then maybe have a sleep before the Mel clan get here. I do have some other stuff to write about but I�m getting really tired, so it�ll have to wait until next time. Big up the zoo and all its inhabitants; I do hope there�ll be goats.

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