I know what I should do but I just can't walk away
28.08.06, 7:33 pm
Ugh. After I finished writing yesterday�s entry I suddenly sunk into a crash and ended up going to bed at 1pm, finally forcing myself out again at 4pm. Crash is still present and correct today, and I have hints of brain fog. Stupid ME; knew it�d kick up a fuss about me going out Saturday night. Maybe next time I won�t power-walk it up to Crookes, and will get a bus instead. Or maybe I'll just put on my Hermit Hat and stay indoors FOREVER, because that's clearly what it wants.
Ooh, before I carry on I�d like to say a huge thankyou to all the Yay Job! notes � as always, you all rock incessantly.
Apparently ME doesn�t mix too well with hormones. Other things it doesn�t mix well with include baths (scary), alcohol (lightweight-brigade), low blood sugar (walking coma) and dancing (more bad than usual). I think I�m due soon, and the accompanying hormones are making me miserable. Which I shouldn�t be, because I have a shiny job and everything�s pretty good at the moment, but instead I have horrible thoughts about how I might (read: likely) never recover, and will have to feel like this forever. My friends are so fantastic here, as they supply with me positive vibes and upbeatness, but I do worry that they�ll get bored of having to say the same stuff over and over again.
To be honest, I don�t think I�ve really got my head around the whole ME thing yet, because stuff like job hunting and interviews have distracted me from it. I�m probably expecting too much of myself, and my friends probably don�t mind having to my positive thinking for me sometimes in the slightest. Perhaps it�s time to become a more well-balanced person and actually rely on people for once. Hmm, bit ambitious maybe.
Why, after living on my own for a few days, do I start asking questions that I think in my head out loud to myself? Such as whether I should go for a wee before Mel rings me or risk having to take her to the loo with me mid-conversation. Some of my friends are totally fine with that and some hate it, and I always forget who belongs in which group. Anyway, I think I�m actually going insane, and resisting the urge to talk to myself is becoming harder and harder. To combat this, I�ve decided to go home for a little while on Tuesday, not least because I�ll get a balanced diet and free telephone usage.
It�s probably a bad idea� my sister�s coming home the same day for a couple of weeks of study leave, followed by a week of actuary exams (the most boring variety of all exams ever), and is bound to spring, �Could you just test me for a little while on this, Hol?� as soon as I announce that I�m going to bed. This will translate into me having to quiz her on total boringnesses such as the Brownian Theory and Magic Special Graphs or whatever until 2 in the morning.
Speaking of my family, my dad went on a date on Saturday with a woman he met through the Guardian Soulmates thing (shut up; if I�m not allowed to take the piss then neither is anyone else). She lives in New Mills (near Glossop), so once again potential girlfriend lives in completely different city to him, but at least it�s not Aberdeen. And I�ve just rang him now, to ask how the date went, and Ciaran informed me that he�s currently out seeing her again. I get the feeling he�s soon going to be slipping into giggly teenage romance mode� again. It seems like the whole world is seeing more action than I am; I�m sore tempted to go see One Night Stand Bloke again.
Really don�t want to have to go to bed for a bit but I think it�s inevitable. Reckon I might go watch Farthing Wood videos, and if I fall asleep on the sofa then so be it.
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