falling apart
13th May 2004, 9:57 am

once again i didn't sleep last night until half four, and once again i haven't had the motivation to go in for my lectures. i'd have stayed in bed but my cold makes sure that any extra lying down results in a bitch headache. so i'm here, in sorby computer room, trying to keep myself together.

i watched the soap awards last night, and cried when they showed the clip of trisha from emmerdale lying in hospital with no brain activity. luckily everyone had left my room then, so i could lock the door. this is where this fresh wave of hell has grown from, the frigging soap awards.

bernie was really looking forward to the emmergale episode... i remember watching it with her and wanting to laugh because the acting was so terrible. she knew it was too, but it didn't stop her watching programs like emmerdale and heartbeat. i never thought the same thing would happen to us.

i have to go in for my tutorial this afternoon, but at least paddy will be there. i might talk to him or just pretend everything's fine... even when i have a room full of people i feel like the loneliest person in the world.

i really wish i could get some sleep, i'm so bloody tired. i feel so fragile at the moment, and it's such hard work keeping myself from falling apart, as melodramatic as that sounds. hopefully tomorrow will be better.

last - next