relating to buffy
7th January 2005, 8:10 pm

still. dizzy. i really shouldn't be sat in front of this computer screen, it only serves to remind me of my balance issues. ear infections are so crappy, they stop me sleeping and everything.

i haven't done any revision today, based on the flimsy excuse of me not feeling great. i'm sure the examiners will understand, hol. today will be the king of revision days, i can just tell. i will chain myself to that desk and work for hours and hours and hours.

tori amos - a sorta fairytale has a bassline that makes my spine just want to melt, especially when it pulls you down into the chorus.

i watched some buffy today, season 6 episode 22, which is the last one of the season, and ends up with willow going back to being good, after fiddling around with some black magic or other. the whole storyline's kind've shitty, but the end bit always makes me cry, because it's xander standing in front of her, telling her that if she wants to end the world, then she'll have to start by killing him, and even if she does it doesn't matter, because he'll still love her. and she keeps injuring him but he still keeps telling her he loves her, until eventually her power fades and she starts sobbing, and xander just holds her. sounds sappy i know, but it now reminds me of me, because when she's shouting at him to stop, and beating her fists against his chest it feels like me trying to beat away the fact that bernie died, and trying to stay stoic and angry about it. but it just keeps coming, and when she starts crying, well that's all i want to do really. it's how i feel inside, like i'm sitting in an empty room crying the hardest that i can. maybe the anniversary will let me get rid of some of this pent up emotion... i sure hope so.

my sister said this to me yesterday: "my friend sarah, sarah jones, said that she thinks that you have a lovely deep, clear voice, and that she could sit and listen to it for hours". i'm kind've flattered by that, especially when i hate my speaking voice... i always sound way more excited than i actually feel.

argh, dizziness starting to come in waves now, will have to leave soon. the last piece of news that i can think of is that i've started reading the lord of the rings again, mainly because i haven't read it in a while, but also because bernie bought me my set of books for my 18th birthday, and so reading them reminds me of her.

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