frustration and anger
19th February 2005, 3:19 pm

I'm actually at home this weekend - the trains are screwed on Sundays at the moment (for no apparent reason either), and this frustrated me way too much on Friday afternoon when I realised. Think Mel got quite worried at me ranting about it... I think I only got so annoyed because of all these "feelings" I have at the moment, which I can't express normally, so they boil over when I get frustrated instead. Then the gas bill arrived - �54 each for three months. That probably sounds quite reasonable to most people, but bear in mind that there's 7 of us, and the house is still freezing cold most of the time. I really don't have �54 to spend on heating either. That wound me up something chronic too, and Becky's stupid "why are they overreacting?" look that she gave Em when they got back and were told of the bill didn't help my mood either. I'm sure it'll be much easier for her to pay, seeing as her parents pay her rent for her, along with anything else she happens to desire, such as a brand new computer.

As you can see, my mood hasn't really improved with going home. I'm really up and down at the moment, it's getting irritating. Think people are starting to notice the way I'm reacting to a lot of things too... I can't help it though. The smallest thing jst winds me up something chronic, and all this inner frustration at my current situation just spills out. I think I could really just do with a big fuck-off cry.

It's nice being at home, but I don't really have much to do. Will probably go put a dvd on in a minute, while away the afternoon. We made stew yesterday back at Sheffield, and were immensely proud of ourselves. Tasted good as well.

Counselling went okay on tuesday - C seemed to see me getting upset at dissection a fantastic turning point. At the time I shared her enthusiasm, but now all I'm doing is worrying about the next dissection I have on Wednesday. That and the meeting I have with Dr Warren on Monday to discuss dissection. I'm sure it'll go fine, it's just my emotions are a little unpredicatable at the moment.

Apologies for the lateness of this entry, but I've been suffering with a god-awful headache from Monday afternoon to Thursday night. It really did knack like a bitch too, pausing only on Tuesday evening to change sides. I've stopped taking my MArvalon pill to see if that's what keeps giving me the headaches... if it is then I'll trundle down to the doctors and get it changed.

The Courtesy Counts signs have spread to Crookes (the place where I live in Sheffield), which is fantastic, obviously. Just realised that Laura, one of my old friends from Nottingham that I haven't talked to in ages, and who wrote to me a little while ago, appears to have turned into a born-again Christian. Oh that's a little scary.

Two points about this entry: 1. Sorry that it's a little randomly written and has no structure, I'm not really in a thinking mood today. 2. For some reason I've written this entire entry with capital letters, something I don't normally do. I guess it'll give me a chance to see what that looks like.

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