another bad morning
21st February 2005, 11:00 am

sat on the university computers in the perak lab block killing time, as i'm currently missing my second BMS209 lecture. the first one made me feel on edge the whole time - i don't even know why anymore - and consequently i don't think i can handle another hour of it. think this is going to be the start of another really bad day.

didn't help that i went to bed in a god-awful mood last night, and woke up again in the same mood. im really starting to slip into the mentality of "let's just give up", which is awful i know but i just can't help it.

on a positive note, i went to see momento last night, and it was fantastic on the big screen. think i finally understand the whole storyline now, after seeing it about 4 times. went to the lads house afterwards and got way too giggly due to lack of food, i think. although it's hard not to laugh when rich comes downstairs wearing his blue monkey trousers.

have both counselling and lab tomorrow, mmm. trying to convince myself to ring my dad tonight and tell him what's going on. i think if i just keep imagining myself doing it eventually i'll be able to just pick up the phone and get on with it.

it started snowing lots just as i left the house this morning. walking in the snow with an umbrella starts off as feeling all christmas cardy and cute, and then quickly merges into feeling all wet and slippery. hopefully it'll snow lots and lots today, so that we can go build snowmen in the park like we did last time.

god, i feel so crap. really hate this, plus this computer room smells of formaldehyde, which makes me think of dissection. at the moment i could happily sit in front of this computer and just cry, but i know that once i get home i won't be able to, and will instead vent my frustrations on something inanimate, like my computer. C's always banging on about crying, i wish i could do it properly.

i really want to just go home and give up. this is too hard.

last - next