house party
19th March 2005, 10:41 pm

Very busy week of angst this week. On Tuesday night I started feeling really anxious - kept getting sinking feels inside, and things just didn't feel right - and by Wednesday I was climbing the walls with it. It was stopping me sleep and everything, and I was getting pretty upset, so I made an appointment at the doctors, and decided to go home to Manchester afterwards.

Went to the doctors, who told me that the weird feelings I was experiencing was most likely due to the anxiety I had, and they prescribed me some beta-blockers - everyone's friend. My blood pressure was up a bit too, apparently, and the beta-blockers would help with that.

Once I got out of the doctors, and picked up my prescription, I realised that going home felt like giving up and running away, so I went back to Sheffield, and let people know what was going on. It took me twenty minutes to take my pill last night � I was sat downstairs with Mel, after we�d watched Desperate Housewives, and when it came to crunch time I was just so anxious about how it was going to make me feel. Mel begging me to take it, and telling me about all the positives of taking it over and over again, finally made me just neck the damn thing.

Felt a bit like a zombie the next day, and the fact that I felt different made me a bit anxious. However, as the day progressed I felt a lot happier � my body was more relaxed, I didn�t feel so tense and the horrible sinking feelings in my chest had gone � and I managed to get more sleep that night, too.

So yeah, the beta-blockers seem to be working, even if I sometimes hate the fact that I�m on them. It is good to be relaxed� I think my body had forgotten what that felt like. Even though I thought I wasn�t anxious I obviously was, only subconsciously, and my body could only take it for so long. I�ve been given a month�s prescription, and have another appointment with the doctor on the 11th April, so I assume we�ll reassess then.

Had our house party last night � actually went okay I think, I spent most of the time with Dave waving my hands to stuff like Stop The Rock, Children Of The Night and Seed (2.0). I couldn�t drink anything, because of my pills, but nay mind, it didn�t seem to dampen the evening. Went to bed about threeish, as I could feel myself starting to feel a little anxious, plus there was a weird annoying guy who wouldn�t go away.

Both Vicky and Mel left for Easter today, so the house is a little empty. It�s quite lonely actually, and I don�t have Mel to rely on for when I get anxious, but Em�s said that she�ll look after me. We just cooked the best stir-fry ever, though I�m hungry for more food already. I was planning on tidying my room tonight, but I�m starting to feel a bit down, so might just watch some telly instead.

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