back at the ranch
22nd March 2005, 10:14 pm

I�m now back at the ranch in Manchester. Left Sheffield at about sixish, but unfortunately I fell asleep on the train just as we were getting towards Stockport, and consequently missed my stop. Ended up having to get off at Warrington Central and get a train back to Manchester Piccadilly. Can I just say, for the record, that Warrington Central train station is the biggest hole in the world� I texted Vicky what had happened while I waited for my rescue train to arrive, and to quote her reply: �Warrington Central, along with Crewe, makes up the armpit of the North-West.�. Bloody exactly.

But yes, I am home, and it�s nice being back too. Hopefully being here will sort out this continual nauseous/sinking/bubbling feeling that I have in my stomach now, because it�s really starting to get to me. I know it�s anxiety based, but the fact that it comes on even when I�m completely relaxed takes the piss, to be honest. Last night was a bad, bad night � I was just writing some notes when it felt like the bottom of my chest just plummeted, and that my heart had somehow stopped beating. It really freaked me out, and I tried to take my mind off it by having a bath but it was no good, my whole body was on red alert, so I texted Emily and asked her if she�d mind coming back from Leadmill � it was only me and her by last night, as everyone else had left to go home. I have never been so happy to see anyone in my life, except maybe my sister when we went to visit her in Paris the year before last, but still. She gave me a huge hug, and when I explained what had happened, sat on the sofa and cuddled me for about an hour until I had totally calmed down. I don�t think people are used to seeing me so vulnerable, because usually I�m too cynical and dry. I didn�t get a lot of sleep last night anyway, maybe a couple of hours at the most (due to irritating sinking feeling), which excuses the train incident today a little.

We used my key to the lads� house on Sunday night to watch Casualty on their wide screen telly. Bad I know, but such fun, and it was made more fun with the knowledge that Matt and Guy would be so pissed off if they found out. Trouble is that once we got there and turned on the hall light it broke, and the whole house then fused. Fuse box was in the locked basement, so we had to clump around in the dark for ages until we turned on a lamp in the sitting room. I think there�s a load of muddy footprints on their kitchen floor, as their floor was really wet for some reason� footprints that we couldn�t clean up due to the darkness issue. I really hope Rich or Dave are the first ones back, and can clean them up.

I should get to bed, as I�m exhausted. Tomorrow I�m planning on doing sweet nothing, except maybe watch some dvds, cook some food and play with my cats. Had a bath tonight and left my clothes scattered on the bed � come back to them twenty minutes later and the fat black one was sprawled all over them, looking really quite smug. He thinks that if he purrs really loudly I won�t be mad, which is true on some occasions but not all. Anyway, to bed.

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