Knightmare
30th April 2005, 4:19 am

Yes, it really is twenty past four in the morning, and no, I haven't managed to get any sleep yet. Having a stupid night of anxiety, where as soon as I close my eyes and try to fall asleep I get unprovoked panicky feelings in my chest, which invariably lead me to think that my SEH is kicking off. The whole thing is fucking ridiculous and really quite frustrating, particularly since I thought my anxiety was on its way to being beaten. Apparently not.

I tried ringing Lisa, because talking to someone would definately make me feel a lot better, but I'm still getting voicemail (have been getting it for most of the day), so I'm guessing that her phone's either broken or died, and she hasn't had chance to charge it yet. So instead I've decided to get dressed and resign myself to the fact that I won't be sleeping tonight. It's fine - I'm getting used to being tired a lot - but it does mean that I'm currently stuck watching a programme about bleeding Samantha Mumba.

Panicky feelings are still in my chest a little, but I'm trying my damnest to ignore them. I think this current anxiety thing has probably been brought on because I'm Hormone Central at the moment. I did have a pretty good day today though... went to the gym for an hour, which knackered me more than yesterday though I burned less calories, and watched another disk of 24 in the evening. Just the one disk to go, before we move on to the joys of season 2.

The Editors were excellent last night, a real top-class band. We all went for a drink in Bar One first to say hello to Hannah, who was working there that night, and met up with Guy. Guy was extremely drunk, given away by the fact that he was being very friendly and affectionate to me, even though we've said about 8 words to each other since Christmas. We ended up organising a jamming session this weekend, as he's recently bought an electric (he can't really play yet, bass is his instrument) and an amp to go with it. It does mean that we're going to have to cart two amps, an electric and a bass up School Road to our house before we can play, but I'm sure it'll be worth it. Actually scratch that, I hope it'll be worth it, seeing as he hasn't played in over two weeks and I prefer accoustics a lot more to electrics. Plus I don't think I'm very good.

Think Hannah's seriously pissed off, as we've planned this activity on a whim, whereas she struggles to get Guy to organise anything with her. I get the feeling she's a little resentful towards me, though it's probably just coming off that way because she's so annoyed with Guy.

I'd really like to have a bath but I can't, as the plumbing system's so pissing loud in this house that it'd wake everyone up. I'm pretty sure I've woken everyone up on my side anyway though, as I've clumped up and down the stairs at least five times. I'll probably get told off in the morning - I honestly did try to make the stairs creak less but it's really hard when one of the steps is broken. Living on the attic floor definately has its downsides... in fact, the only upside is the view, everything else about it sucks ass.

The highlight of the day was definately Dave finding out for us that Knightmare (classic, classic kids' TV programme) is shown on Challenge TV between 8-9am at weekends, and agreeing to tape it for us. Me, Hannah and Vicky accidently stumbled across a fansite the other day, and spent a very geeky half hour downloading clips from the different seasons and screeching to each other: "Look, it's Lord Fear!", "Don't fall down that fake looking hole!" and "Shit, that was the goblin horn, the goblins are coming... run!", before playing the theme tune and giggling stupidly. If any of you don't remember Knightmare then I urge you to Google it right now and share in the magic.

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