Bad day
1st May 2005, 4:16 pm

Had another night of no sleep, so I'm currently feeling very tired. I don't understand where this bizarre anxiety is coming from... I thought I'd conquered it keeping me up at night. Starting to dread the evening like I used to again, and I don't really know what to do about it.

Vicky was running in the half-marathon this morning, and we all planned to go down to Division St in the city centre and watch. I felt so depressed and tired this morning though, that I decided to stay in bed and try to get some sleep instead. Subsequently I've not yet left my room, but haven't managed to catch any sleep either.

I don't know if they're all back yet... I should really go down and see if they are, see how well Vicky ran. Truth is, all I want to do is lie on my bed and cry. I've been on the verge of tears all day, but I haven't let myself go yet. I still have my self-control, if nothing else, and self-control is something I do really well.

I don't know where this depression's come from, though I think it's probably a combination of no sleep, knowing that my anxiety is still here and feeling really lonely, which is ridiculous given that I live in a house of 7.

Playing Prodigy really loudly in an attempt to make myself feel better. I should really leave this room.

21:25pm

Well it's several hours since I last wrote all that. I think I'm feeling a little better, though I'd probably have some kind of hysterical breakdown if someone asked the right things. I'm currently ignoring people by hiding in my room (still), but only because I don't want to say anything offensive to anyone. Fingers crossed that this appalling mood lifts tomorrow.

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