Containing too many details of my sex life, which no one should have to read about, but all other news is too boring to detail
19.11.07, 8:46 pm

So, here we are at Monday then, and another weekend where I wonder how the boy has put up with me for so long. Yes, I do his washing up for him and give nice hugs, but it�s surely not enough.

a) On Friday night we were having sex. Half way through I rolled over to the edge of the bed to pick up a condom from the box on the floor, and as I rolled back managed to elbow James square in the face. This killed the mood somewhat. Coupled with my "Look! Different sized boobs!" comment, I am officially the most unromantic, unsuave and undignified person to exist ever. Rolf Harris is sexier than I can ever hope to be.

b) Sunday afternoon we went over to Hillsborough Leisure Centre (rated the best leisure centre in the UK, for reasons unfathomable. It�s surely not because of the fake plastic totem pole face stuck on the front of the building for no reason whatsoever) and played badminton. I haven�t played since before the ME, and my recovery from it is going so well that I managed four games before needing to die. I won 3-1, and after doing a dance at the end of it, decided to up the obnoxiousness by saying, �Ooh, how does it feel to be beaten by a girl who has ME, eh?� This does not foster good relations.

c) Last week I made him sew a button on my coat for me, as I cannot sew for the life of me. I mean, I can technically, but it was a good ten years ago and lessons mostly revolved around making a cushion with a blue boat on it. It was the crappest cushion ever, not least because it was the size of a postage stamp and devoid of stuffing. And who knows what I was thinking with the whole boat theme. That's like something grandma would sew as a birthday present for you. If, you know, you were a boy who didn't see grandma too often.

d) This morning he lent me his umbrella, as all of mine are broken in some form or other. In response, I texted the following waffle to him at work: �Thankyou kindly for the use of your beautiful umbrella. May the gods form a bubble around you so that not one drop of rain touches your glorious head. Good fortune and blessings!�

I am very stiff today from said game of badminton. We�re apparently going every Thursday from now until eternity, as James has decided that I need regular cardiovascular exercise. He�s probably right, but said cardiovascular exercise is a lot easier for him, being nine foot tall. And though I don�t want to jinx it, I�m really quite excited about the fact that I�m not exhausted. My stamina�s still crap, as I had to stop and breath every six points or so, but it�s definitely progress. Argh, don�t jinx it.

I am going away with James et famille for the skiing holiday, but I shall not be skiing. Skiing does not massively appeal to me, plus I know I�ll be rubbish and end up getting embarrassingly stuck in a big snowdrift and have to be winched out. Anyway, it�s apparently going to be a bit of a squeeze, as the cabin �houses 2-6 people� and there are 6 of us. Blatantly going to be me, boy, boy�s sister and sister�s boyfriend camped out in the living room together. This lead to the following typical exchange:

James: Oh no, that means no sex for a whole week.
Me: �Fraid so. Maybe we could have a secret groping session one night though?
James: �
Me: Although, being caught by your sister and her boyfriend who I�ve never met would probably be the most embarrassing people to be caught by. Except for maybe your parents.
James: Maybe Sarah and John will be trying to have their own secret groping session.
Me: Maybe we could just hang a big sheet across the middle of the room and pretend to not hear each other.
James: That�s certainly one possible idea.

All the kids are coming down for the weekend of the 1st December for a wee reunion, which�ll be lovely. Hope they�re not all planning on sleeping here as there�s sod all room. Apart from that life continues to tick on. I go to work in the dark, I leave in the dark, I eat pasta and I watch television. And I have to go ring my father now. Hope the witch isn�t around.

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