This COULD have been 10,000 words long, but thankfully I saw reason
04.01.08, 3:57 pm

Sorry, it�s been a busy week. And because too many minor things have happened, and the consequent entry would have to be 10,000 words long to talk about them all, I�ll just talk about the three important things. And they are Amanda, James and Scotland.

Amanda
Amanda is such an enormous hell-dwelling hag merchant, I barely have the words to describe her. Horrible, rude, paranoid, jealous, childish Satan witchy pond-dweller goes some way though. Christmas with her was pretty much unbearable, not least because on Christmas Eve I discovered that she a) still hates me b) thinks I�m lazy and a thief c) was given jewellery by my dad, who then told her to keep it when the whole Jewellery Gate kicked off, and who, with him, has kept this a complete secret and d) think I�m just being deliberately annoying in wanting the jewellery, and am only thinking of the monetary value (of which there is none). I realise that my dad is mostly to blame for c), but she is entirely to blame for d), so it evens out. She was rude about my gran as soon as she left the room when we went down on the Sunday before, and completely showed her true colours on Christmas Day when we were all having a hideous family game of Lists and I was basically better at it than her.

She�s just a horrible, horrible woman, and I don�t understand why my dad has married her. I also know that I can�t do anything about it, and I have to just be civil. At least it�s done for another year.

James
James was very keen on us to go for a walk the day after I arrived, and so we did, in a big forest near to his house. Five minutes in he said, �We need to have a talk�, and immediately my instinctual thought was, �Oh that�s it, he�s having second thoughts�, because I still have big abandonment issues and I KNOW I DO, and I doubt that they�ll ever really go. However, these only lasted for a second or so, before I thought, �Hang on, that makes no sense� this will be about work.� And it is. The long and the short of it is that James�s boss is taking up a new job in London, and has asked him if he wants to go and do a six-month placement with him there. I kind�ve almost expected it, as we�ve talked a little about how James is bored of his job, and wants something more challenging, and that might not be able to be in Sheffield. I didn�t bother writing about it though, because there�s no point discussing bridges that you don�t have to cross yet. Anyway, I tried to be an adult about it, and told him that he should go for it if he wants to do it, and that we would work around it relationship-wise, and to not worry about us, because we would be fine either way. And I do mean that, because I love him so much and I want the best for him, but there�s still a big part of me that�s screaming, �Don�t go, because I�ll be sad and lonely and miss you too much.� He�s not sure if he wants to do it yet, and he doesn�t want to make me sad, but it�s a real possibility that I�ll have to do the long-distance thing, which I always swore that I�d never do because it�s so very lonely and hard. But I�ll have to do it, because it�s him, and there�s no way I could ask him to stay just for my own selfish reasons.

Scotland
My computer just crashed as I was finishing this paragraph, so I�m abandoning it now. Scotland was very good, James�s parents seem to think I�m ace (yay!), and I spent New Year�s Eve with the boy et famille, and we did the big hug-and-kiss thing come midnight. I also ate some haggis. And made a lot of small talk with James�s endless relatives at various hideous get-togethers.

Currently ill, and have had to have the day off work today. Not that it will have made much difference, as 70% of people seem to be off work at the moment. Off to New Mills tomorrow to pick up my gorgeous new guitar, which is so beautiful I could just MARRY it. Oh, and I�m going to start having Spanish guitar lessons because it looks like fun. Better go before I cough up a lung.

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