Memorial tree
01.05.08, 10:46 pm

Hi Al,

I've been having some thoughts for a while, and have decided that I want to plant some kind of remembrance tree for Mum, seeing as we never had anything. I was wondering if you had any kind of preference as to where it's planted, otherwise I'll pick somewhere we used to go, like Rufford Park.

Love Hol xxx

Hey Holdol,

Sounds like a lovely idea. Have you spoken to Dad about this? Are you going to?

Rufford would be nice, or maybe Burntstump? I have to renew my passport when I get back from Portugal next weekend which could take upto 6 weeks as I have to go via the embassy, but if you want to do it together we could try and arrange something for after and I'll come over.

How are you - is everything ok? Let me know what's going on with Pareee, would be good to see you!

Love Al xxx

My overwhelming reaction to this is that I really want to do it on my own, with no one else there. Which is a) incredibly unfair to my sister, and b) just goes against social convention, logic and the world. What is my problem? I mean, what actually IS my problem? Why can I not deal with emotions like a normal person... why can't I just admit that I am still fucking CUT UP about my mum dying, and have endless residual issues because of it. Why do I have such a problem with letting people see that I am hurting? Just let it go, for Christ's sake.

And I'm not planning on speaking to my dad about this either.

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