Of Christmas parties and worries
13.12.10, 9:44 pm

Hello, all. This will be a relatively short update, as it's already half past nine and I want to get an early night in before Christmas Party II tomorrow. Having a Christmas party on a Tuesday feels like a really bad idea, and I have to have a sodding group meeting just before it as well to talk about calvaria just beforehand too. Still, a party is a party.

Things are not so great at the moment. I had Christmas Party I last Friday, and was already in a rubbish mood for it by having gone to the doctors in the morning, which I'll get on to. We then ate lots of food, which was really fun, before barrelling off to the pub and all getting utterly hammered. Well, I say all of us � I actually didn't, due to one of my friends inadvertently (and very drunkly) saying some upsetting things about cancer and leaving people behind, which resulted in me feeling quite sad, sobering up completely and going home early. I don't know what was wrong with me � usually I can just compartmentalise crappy things away and get on, but for some reason it really stuck with me and I had trouble sleeping on Friday night due to sadness. I think it's just because it struck a chord with what my frigging psychotic counsellor of uni times was always banging on about, and it would be an understatement to say that I HATED those sessions.

Anyway, the main crappy thing is that I've been suffering with back pain and gynaecological pain for the past four months or so, which appears to be linked to my periods, and so on Friday I finally went back to the doctors about it. She did an internal exam (same doctor as when I had my smear, and a lot friendlier this time, probably because we're spending quite a lot of intimate time with my reproductive organs) and found that I've got tenderness and inflammation around my cervix. Sorry for the excess medical details. Anyway, I have to go for an internal ultrasound at the hospital, which due to NHS rubbishness won't happen until after the New Year. The GP has said that it's possibly a cyst on the ovary or endometriosis, and probably nothing to worry about. I sat and talked to my friend at work, who's also a doctor, and he's assured me that it shouldn't be anything serious. Regardless of this, I am really, really worried. A tiny, irrational part of me is terrified that it's cancer.

In happier news, today is mine and James's four year anniversary. He is still the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me.

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