All of those love feelings
18.03.14, 1:49 pm

The sadness has lifted. I�m not sure how, because still nothing has happened or changed, but it�s gone and I am happy. I think I maybe had some kind of brain chemical imbalance going on; it�s the only thing I can think to describe it. I mean, I wittered on to 3 of my friends about it, but they didn�t make me feel any better or worse, just the same. I did love Ju�s response though, who is recently married: �To be honest, I�m probably not the person to talk to, because I don�t even really understand love. I mean, all of those love feelings, what are they? What the hell are they?� Truth. Love is weird. Love is something that makes me think that James is great even when he eats all the biscuits.

I found out last night that my uncle�s wife has ovarian cancer. I think her prognosis is actually quite good, but I guess you never really know. Because I�m her link to the cancer world, she�s been emailing me today asking about her chances of relapse. What do you do? Are you completely honest, or do you put a positive spin on things and risk patronising/lying to them? I read some reviews and learned that the relapse rate was 21%, and that the mortality rate of relapse was 80%. After thinking about it most of the day, I emailed back and told her the first half of the statement but not the second half.

She�s my uncle�s second wife, after his first died of breast cancer. We�re not especially close, but she�s a nice, kind woman who clearly makes my uncle very happy, and she has been good to my grandma. I�m not especially close to my uncle either, but although he can be thoughtless at times, he�s also been kind to me, and he�s just trying to be as good a person as he can. I just don�t understand how life can be so cruel and shitty to people who have already suffered greatly. My uncle has already lost one wife to cancer; why can�t he be left alone now, left alone to be happy. Why do things have to get fucked up over and over again for some people, whilst other people glide through the years with nothing bad happening at all? It just gets to me, that�s all.

Apart from that, there�s not a lot going on. I have to go down to Solihul this weekend and try on bridesmaid dresses all day with Mel�s sisters. It�s like my worst nightmare. Still, I just need to suck it up and deal with it, and remember that though the sample dress may be yellow, the actual dress will NOT be yellow.

Watched Mean Girls for the 900th time last night, this time with James. Even he admitted that it wasn�t dreadful. Seeing Lindsay Lohan looking so normal did make me feel a bit sad for her. Not so sad that I�ll ever watch Herbie: Fully Loaded, however.

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