Post-birthday feels
02.04.14, 10:54 am

My dad and Bloody Amanda are down this weekend, because they�re having some new bathroom tiles put in or something, and so can�t stay in their house. They are coming down on Friday morning and aren�t going away until Sunday lunchtime. ARGH. Surely this is actually beyond human endurance? I can�t fill a 15 minute phone conversation with Dad, let alone a whole weekend. Have spent the evenings this week cleaning the house in a resentful way and worrying that it�s going to rain the whole time.

So the birthday�s been and gone. The actual day was pretty good, bar the double bone marrow torture session. However, a birthday miracle actually occurred, as both samples didn�t have enough cancer cells present to do a FACS on. This is both great for the patients, who aren�t therefore swamped with disease, and good for me, because it cut an hour from my experiment time. This meant that I got to spend that hour eating cakes that my wonderful friend Ju made me with the rest of the group. In the evening I then went out for a meal with James, and it was all very lovely.

We had another of our drunken pregnancy chats, because alcohol is the only way I�m truly open with my feelings. He still wants a baby, and I said that 30 seems like a good age for me, maybe. I then reiterated that I want to get married before the baby stuff (not in a weird 1950s way, don�t worry), and he said, �I know you do�, but not in a dickish way, in a kind�ve reassuring way. So I think that hopefully means he might propose sometime soonish? Or possibly not; it�s kind�ve hard to tell with James. He�s so solid and stable and dependable, and usually that�s a wonderful thing to have, but sometimes I do wish that he�d just sweep me off my feet once. I think because I�m so impulsive, I�d quite like him to be impulsive right back at me. I have always been the one to drive the relationship, with telling him that I loved him first, and asking him if I could move in, and then asking him if he�d like to buy a house together with me, and each time it�s felt a little as if I�ve had to work to get him to say yes. I know he loves me more than anything, but I�d love it if for once it was him driving me [insert sex joke here].

Sorry, this entry appears to have morphed into the diary of a thirteen year-old. Dear diary, I love him soooooo much, he�s just so fit and sexy!! Why was he taking to that whore Jessica?? Laura says it�s just to make me jealous but I know she fancies him, that bitch!!! I just feel directionless at the moment. I�m sure I�ve written about this before, and if I have then I�m sorry for repeating myself, but annoyingly these feelings don�t appear to be temporary things. I wonder if everyone feels like this � if they get to the join between their 20s and 30s and sudden wonder what the hell they�ve been doing with their lives.

Anyway, back to funner times. On the Thursday me and the research group went to Lazerquest, because I�d never been before. I have decided that I bloody LOVE Lazerquest, even if the one in Sheffield does look a bit like a crack den from the outside. I managed to keep my borderline obnoxious competitiveness under wraps, but it was a challenge. After twatting about for about an hour, we then went off to get some food and then drank the night away. The last thing I remember is singing Whitney Housten songs to the taxi driver. I frickin� love The Greatest Love Of All.

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