The big goodbye
12th September 2005, 6:11 pm

This is probably going to be a long entry. I'm running on three hours sleep and have just got back from saying the big goodbye to Lisa at the train station, so I'm not in a great place right now. To counter this, I went to Jacksons on the way home and bought Diet Coke with Lemon and chocolate. It has to be noted that even when I'm feeling quite miserable I still pick out the sodding two-for-ones. Jeez man. Hopefully writing about everything will also do me some good now.

So yes... Lisa, who leaves for a year in France on Thursday. She got here last night, and after Matt went home I met her and some of her housemates in the Cavendish for a drink. Us and Suzy then came back to mine and drank wine. Suzy then left to go home, and Lisa and I drank more wine, got quite drunk, talked drunkenly and then went to bed. Today was filled mainly with visiting Lisa's friends and wandering around Sheffield.

And then we got on the tram to the station with me having somehow been persuaded to carry her huge sweaty rucksack. I started feeling progressively sadder from this point on, sitting watching the city centre go past the window whilst the ticket woman bitched at me for putting my feet on the chair opposite me (suck on it, ticket woman, I was in the middle of legitimate angst right then). And then suddenly we were at the station, standing watching the train coming in. Lisa pulled me into a huge hug, and a massive urge to cry just reared up inside of me. I sucked it in though, because that's at least something I'm good at. I mouthed "I love you" through the window at her as the train started to pull off, and then continued standing on the empty platform like a moron, watching the train in the distance until it turned round a corner and out of sight.

The journey home was better, because my body seems to prefer being angry to upset, and so I spent the majority of the journey home feeling pissed off for no reason. It was a lot easier to deal with, so thankyou body.

I know she doesn't go until Thursday, and that I'll speak to her again before she goes. I know that I should be going over to Toulouse in Novemberish, depending on when I can get a cheap flight, and that she'll be home for Christmas. I know that I can still phone and email. It's still completely gutting to know that I won't see her every week though. We've gotten so close after all the problems that we had during first year, which I didn't really talk about in here for reasons that I still can't mention. I'm going to miss her company an incredible amount, and this definately sucks the ultimate ass.

I don't really want to talk about the other angsty aspect of my weekend, ie. Matt. That can wait until tomorrow. At the moment I'm feeling a little fragile, and probably couldn't even handle a Cancer Research advert if it came on the TV right now.

One happy thing is that we won the Ashes though. Well in indeed.

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