And I will try to fix you
07.03.06, 6:07 pm

It�s been raining steadily all morning, which is apt. I�ve started writing this at 11:25, but I�ve got a meeting at 12 to discuss my results with my personal tutor, so I�m not sure when it�ll actually be posted. As always, apologies for any impending timeframe mix-ups. At least this time the meeting will hopefully be a general �Yay you!� as opposed to the �You really need to do better!� meetings of second year.

The rain�s trying its best to make me miserable, but I�m counteracting it with some Nickel Creek. I�m currently listening to an instrumental song that they wrote about coffee, which I absolutely adore the idea of. An amazingly happy tune just about coffee, it�s great. When things get shit you always forget about the little things that can make you happy; things that�ll never change or never leave. So on this pretty rubbish day I�m trying to think about coffee.

Okay, writing style blatantly gone a little strange today, and I don�t even know if I managed to get my point across or not. I think I�m tired; I�ve been tired for a while now to be honest. Enough setting the scene or beating round the bush or whatever, let�s just get straight to the point. Yesterday afternoon Mel received a letter from Iain, basically telling her that it was over, and that he had a been a great boyfriend to her (lie) and always supported her (lie) and that he just couldn�t trust her anymore. The whole Mel and Iain relationship is very complex and difficult to understand, and I won�t bore you all by trying to explain it, but basically they�ve been together for 4 years and she�s really great and he�s really shit, except he thinks he�s really great. That�s all you need to know really.

So all of the angst and crying and badness was one of the most depressing things ever. Becky was at the library when the letter was read, but I covertly texted her and asked her to come home, which she did, so I got to share the support responsibility. Iain�s such a complete dick and so not worth all this misery over, but try telling Mel that. Anyway, consequently last night got called off, which made me feel really bad for Michelle as well. Instead Becky and me took it in turns to sit with Mel, whilst the rest of the kids sat around drinking punch and playing games. I went to bed around eleven after watching Aladdin with Mel, as the whole thing left me completely drained.

It�s now 4:45 pm and I�ve just gotten back from Uni. There�s a strike going on today by the lecturers over pay. Well, there�s supposed to be a strike, but none of my lecturers are actually striking, and the only person seen protesting was Careers Service Jane Simms, who�s not even a bloody lecturer in the first place so get back to work, Jane! Your PowerPoint presentations on CVs and �power words� are dying on their arses without you. I went in this afternoon to do some work for one of my lab modules, which involved peering down a microscope, making headache-inducing sketches of some slides of rat brain and then doing lots of boring maths to draw the scale bar. Whoever said that science wasn�t fun? Also, I can�t draw and I don�t own a rubber. I�m sure you can all appreciate just how fantastically professional my drawings looked. I�m going to send them off to The Times once my report�s been marked.

Paddy came in and did the microscope thing too though, so not all was bad. I�m still not doing great, if I�m honest. Since I cried on Becky the other night stuff seems to be affecting me more than usual. I really hope I haven�t broken myself or something. My anxiety gig is shoulder-charging the walls of the box that I�ve managed to shut it away into, and I can�t get Paddy out of my head. Still. He�s everywhere I go at the moment. He was waiting for me on the corner in the rain this afternoon and his voice was in my voicemail inbox this morning, telling me about the lectures that I missed and hoping that I was okay and that the Mel thing was going alright, all a little haltingly because I know that he hates talking to machines. Little things that he�s said in the past week or so float around in my mind at random times of the day, and I always get really depressed at night. Really don�t want to have to cry on Becky again, but I can feel it coming.

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