Apparently not the end of fretting
02.01.06, 8:53 pm
After a lot of fretting, which is something I haven�t done in a while, I finally decided to email Hypno and tell him that I�ve decided to end my hypno sessions. I was sat downstairs doing some revision: descending spinal pathways, which just made me want to staple things to my head with boredom. Speaking of which, when I was 17 and working in the newsagents, I was really bored one night and started playing with the stapler, pulling it apart and that. And then I decided to randomly push the metal pad of it, and was all surprised when I wound up with a staple in my finger. It really hurt, and then it really hurt even more because I had to pull it out again.
Sorry, that was yet another pointless deviation. Yeah, so I was revising and my dad decided to sit down opposite me and ramble on about his plans for the day, which he�s warrant to do sometimes. As it�s now January it's consequently 'month of the depressing memories', and he was talking about how he�d just written back to some couple who sent Bernie a Christmas card this year, so obviously didn�t know about her dying. Because we appeared to be having some kind of father-daughter bonding moment, I found myself asking him if I should end hypno or not, only I said it was solely because I thought I was nearly better now, not because of the other stuff. Anyway, he said that he reckoned I should because I "seem perfectly fine now. Well, bit ratty maybe, but that�s probably just a chick thing."
Despite the comments, and the fact that we argue over the stupidest things (like today, when I knocked his evil, spiky plant off the windowsill and broke something. That�s surely not the issue though, seeing as the plant�s frickin� horrible, and was hanging off the windowsill, and nearly severed my femoral artery by sticking about an inch�s worth of spike into my leg.) my dad�s actually not that bad. Plus he still calls me Bobs, as well as the usual babes and darlin�, which I find incredibly cute seeing as I�m 21 in March.
My god, I�ve already typed 360 words and I haven�t even concluded the subject of my first paragraph. Getting back to hypno: so I emailed him, and I have a reply sitting in my uni email inbox and I�m too scared to read it. Ridiculous I know, because it�s my decision and everything, but I know he�s going to be pissed off that I�m finishing early. Sometimes I am such a child.
In other news, Maggie and John are coming over tonight � friends of the family � so I�m going to have to go back to being an adult and make some civilised conversation. Yeah, that�s actually all my news, because currently my life revolves around revising, eating and sleeping. And ordering photos off Snapfish, but that�s only on my revision breaks. Incidentally, I�ve now gotten so sad that I know my debit card number off by heart. I�m also incredibly broke - �1266 overdrawn to be exact, but my new shiny overdraft of �1600 is currently saving me. I hate being poor. I also hate it when Hannah moans about having no money in my vicinity, because it�s a complete and utter lie. She has a part-time job, her dad pays all of her rent and she has three years� worth of loan just sitting in her bank account, roughly five and a half grand. Now I feel the need to justify my not having a part-time job � if I could I�d get one, but my degree takes up all of my time as it is. Seriously, the lectures always turn into complicated ramble-fests with diagrams and the workload is massive. Okay, now I sound all defensive.
Damnit, I�m still fretting over the bloody email � I should just bloody read it and move on or whatever, but I think it�s because I know he�ll want me to continue, and I don�t want him to either convince me to or make me worry that I�m going to back to square 1 anxiety gig-wise. I could do with some courage from somewhere... maybe I�ll get reat drunk on wine tonight and do it Dutch-style.
Hi Holly Thanks for your e-mail.
I am sorry to see that you have decided to discontinue your sessions with me but I personally think this is premature. You have come such a long way Holly in such a short time it would be a pity to waste it all and go backwards.
I think that you should continue for a short time yet and I will ensure that money will not be an issue. e.g. I am prepared to reduce or make some other arrangement to suit but I do not like a full stop with money being the main issue.
I would like you to come to your appointment on Wednesday as arranged and we can discuss the matter further then.
Please confirm.
Best wishes
Roy.
Damn him. DAMN HIM. I knew this would happen, I knew he'd make me feel crap and wonder if I'd done the right thing or not. And I can't ring anyone and talk it over with them because Lisa's now gone back to France and the housekids don't get it at all. Fucking FUCK.
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