Limpy McLimp
22.11.05, 7:23 pm

I am Limpy McLimp today, thanks to my over-zealous gym expedition yesterday. My right quads feel like they're hanging on by four tiny threads, and my right knee collapses every time I put my full weight on it. My left quads are in a similar state, but thankfully my left knee can handle my weight, and so I've developed this highly ridiculous shuffle. Flights of stairs are proving particularly problematic, and I just know I'm going to fall down some soon. Despite all this, I decided to walk the two miles home after hypnotherapy like usual, because I didn't want to spend any more money on taxis. My body is going to make me pay for that foolish error tomorrow, I can just tell. Incidently, hypno went really, really well today, and has kept me in a tres bon mood.

My smear test was horrific - they wheeled out a huge metal speculum and had to use a big mallet to get it in properly and... sorry yeah, it went fine, but that's the horror story I considered telling the rest of the housekids. No, the whole thing was very quick and relatively pain-free, but I have been told by a few people that it was probably a bad idea telling Becky, the Christian no-sex-before-marriage virgin, that it felt like really having bad sex. And then I told her that my cervix bled a wee bit and she looked like she was about to keel over. I also told Paddy yesterday that I wouldn't be in the lectures today due to having a smear test, and it was the most amazing conversation killer ever. I need to keep remembering that most normal people aren't as incredibly share-happy as me, and that they don't usually want to know these little details about my life.

After this conversation, the following conversation took place whilst I was sat watching This Morning with a couple of the housekids:

Mel: I wish Philip and Fern were my godparents or something.
Becky: Maybe auntie and uncle?
Me: No, because I fancy Philip a wee bit, so that�d be a problem *off Becky�s look* Oh come on, everyone fancies Philip just a little, it�s like a taboo.
Becky: I have no idea what you�re talking about.
Mel: I fancy both of them.
Me and Becky: *silence*

Probably a bit rich from me, seeing as I'm a pseudo-lesbian and all. Michelle randomly made cakes last night (everything's random with Michelle, really), and they ended up turning into Nutella butterfly cakes. God, I love Nutella so much. Know what I don't love? People who nearly RUN ME OVER because I can't hobble across the road quick enough at the moment. If I'd have been a little old lady there'd have been all hell to pay.

Mel had another emotional breakdown last night, worse than the previous one, due to Iain being yet again a complete and utter wanker. I couldn't really say what I wanted to say, ie. sack the big waste of space off because all he does is make you miserable and keep your self-esteem at rock bottom, and so was left with Plan B, ie. letting her cry on me and saying things like, "Everything's going to be fine, we're going to fix things and it's going to be just fine." Blatantly things are not going to be fine, and also, great words of wisdom once again there, Holly.

My head hurts a lot... in fact my entire face feels like it's about to drop off. Stupid sinuses. I have to ignore the face-dropping off feeling though, and instead try once again to start my report on mice. God, something inspire me please.

Edit: Just been informed that I'm randomly going bowling with Michelle, Hannah and Dave. Sorry report, looks like I'll try once again tomorrow night to get you written. Third time's a winner! God I hope third time's a winner.

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