Wouldn't trade anything, you're still my everything
25.04.06, 7:00 pm

I�m now completely back to normal within myself � various people (all you lot included) have given me a realistic perspective on everything and I�ve stopped being so hard on myself. I�m always too hard on myself� it gets annoying. So once again, thankyou all very much. The housekids still hae no idea, but that's okay.

Being back to normal unfortunately means that the Paddy stuff has returned to its rightful place, i.e. the vast majority of my thoughts. Yesterday our first lecture was cancelled � Crazy Bitch just didn�t bother turning up � and as our next one wasn�t until two hours later, that was two hours spent solely with Paddy, drinking coffee and talking like we used to. He made me laugh so much, and talked about graduation and how we�d get to sit in Interval all afternoon and I�d get to meet his parents and brother, and it was all very bittersweet. Three weeks of no contact was clearly not enough time to get over him, not that I ever really thought it would be. He�s still my best friend, and one of my most favourite people, and I�ll probably always hold a candle for him. Spending time with him is thankfully no longer awkward, but for me it�s still heavily tinged with sadness and ultimately heartbreaking, because the normality reminds me that I�m still in love, and the reasons why I fell in love. It�s okay though; this is just the way it has to be, and I can�t do anything about it.

Anyway, I promised a more mundane entry, and so enough with the serious life stuff. Instead, here are some fun/not depressing things I�ve been doing the last few days. The other night I went bowling with Michelle and Becky, and it turns out that I�m actually surprisingly good at it. I even managed to win a game, with a strike no less, although it came with a price as the effort ripped off my thumbnail. We also jointly suck ass at map reading, after getting lost in Hillsborough for a good half an hour, trying to find a place we could�ve probably walked to in fifteen minutes. Erm, Vicky stumbled across the first Animals of Farthing Wood video in a random Oxfam and bought it for me (bless her), so I now have all of the first and second series. I went into the Uni the other day and printed out about 14 lectures� worth of Cancer Biology notes, which probably cost me about �1.50. Clearly a fair price to pay in return for not having to think too much in lectures, and instead getting to daydream about kittens and Dairy Milk.

I�m actually really tired at the moment � I don�t mean tired tired, I mean like exhausted. It�s been going on for about a week now; every morning I get up just as knacked as when I went to bed, and my legs feel like they weigh several tons and tingle constantly. However my nails and eyelids seem the right colour, and I�ve never been anaemic before, so I�m guessing it�s just a virus or something. In the mean time I�m just drinking lots of coffee/trying to get other people to make me coffee.

My dad�s just emailed me to let me know that my black cat�s got some gross infected cat bite (and to bitch about the cost of the vet bill), and sent me the following photo of him looking truly grumpy in his big plastic collar:

This is an indication of how Becky and me are fast slipping into our exam time mentality (even though she doesn�t actually have any exams, just coursework), and how we also desperately need new hobbies. Becky�s currently completely addicted to Facebook � she literally forced me to join the other night - and the following conversation took place last night through us posting messages on each other�s walls:

Me: You�d better not still be on here or there�s no Farthing Wood for you at 9 o�clock.

Becky: becky is so not on facebook holly, i am the little fairy she has employed to check this for her at regular intervals while she carries on with her work. so you have no need to worry, she will have done enough of her presentation to watch the little animals with you at 9. Lots of love, becky's facebook fairy xxx

Me: Prove you are a fairy - what do fairies do in their spare time and who is the Queen of the Fairies?

Becky: i don't need to dignify that with a response!

Me: Ha, busted! Everyone knows that fairies stroke ponies in their spare time, and that the Queen of the Fairies is that woman off the Yakult advert.

Becky: well i'm a different breed of fairy that you've never heard of before. we are from a dark and distant land called Sparklymagicalfairyland. which i doubt (even with your vast amount of knowledge) you have ever come across!

Me: I'm afraid that the only place Sparklymagicalfairyland exists is in your head. Or possibly in Farthing Wood.

God save us. Please.

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