One of my proudest achievements
27.10.05, 11:30 am

It's a gorgeous day today in my lovely town of Sheffield. I was walking from the Union over to the Addison building, as I had a meeting with my personal tutor, and as I walked under the concourse I watched two blokes randomly taking pictures of a pigeon that was sitting down on the floor with their mobiles. It made me suddenly realise that I adore university, and that I adore Sheffield, and that I really don't want to have to stop being a student next year.

Now then, I'm so incredibly proud of the following thing that I did yesterday morning, that I'm actually holding off writing about the minor woe that I was going to start this entry with, because it's actually that good. Yesterday morning I rang up the doctors and made an appointment for my first smear test, after recently recieving my second reminder letter. GO ME! Seriously, am I on fire or what? Of course I'm holding off thinking about the actual mechanics of it, because in there just lies a world of badness. Speaking of which, the leaflet that came with my letter really does bugger all to relieve your fears. All it suggests is to do, in the event of pain, is "slow, deep breathing". Yeah great, thanks for that.

It's my mission to get the rest of my house to make appointments now, because we've all had those pissing letters, and we all know that cervical cancer is no walk in the park.

And now here comes the bit where you're all going to think that I'm a completely insane, emotionally unstable, mentally troubled freak. As my obsessional health anxieties still haven't fucked off, and we're coming up to a year since they first started appearing, I've been starting to get a little desperate. I don't want to have this problem for the rest of my life, because frankly it's a pain in the arse and generally ridiculous - there are much more important and worthy things to worry about. I'm thinking about trying hypnotherapy to get my ways of thinking back to how they were before. I know, it's a little crazy sounding and something I never thought I'd think about doing, but there you go. I also get the feeling it's incredibly expensive, so I may have to get a job to fund it. We'll see... I think I might give myself until Christmas, and if I'm not fixed after that then to seriously consider it.

Paddy's decided that we're going to practise ice skating. I hate ice skating, mainly because I can't do it. Whenever I try it I start to get confident, go a little faster and then fall on my arse, which always really hurts. I guess ice skating him with wouldn't be so bad though.

Went to the Union with Michelle and Vicky last night to see Hotel Rwanda. My god, that film is harrowing. I chewed two of my nails down to the quick. Amazing, incredible film, but incredibly distressing. We came out of the union auditorium afterwards and didn't say anything to each other for about two minutes, just walked in silence with our arms folded. It's incredible to think that all that happened only 12 years ago, and that the West did fuck all about it.

We're off to the pub tonight to play some pool. I should really come home after a couple of hours to do some work, but I see myself staying there until closing time. Motivation appears to have pissed off on holiday somewhere.

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