Starting to slide
11.01.06, 2:00 pm

Is it Wednesday today? My clock is totally out, mainly because all of my days are exactly the same at the moment. Today�s not a good day, but yesterday was, so I�ll go there first.

Yesterday I had my shower, did my hair and then headed off to the library as originally planned. Arrived to find Paddy standing outside the doors having a fag (he�s meant to have quit, the git), and we decided to toddle off to Sally�s, which is a caf� in the Union, and revise there. I worked solidly with him for about 4 hours and was a total MACHINE. Plus the slightly more relaxed atmosphere was preferable to the undiluted stress you feel when you�re sat in the library. Plus he bought me a cup of tea and a latte. He was like a walking drinks machine, a lovely walking male drinks machine that made me laugh and explained glucocorticoid (stress hormone) receptors to me.

Came home, finally unpacked � for the first time too, seeing as when I was at home I just lived out of my suitcase. Which I kept forgetting to shut, so the bastarding cat kept kipping in it. Put some more photos up, watched some Family Guy and annoyed Becky. I can�t work in the late afternoon; I always end up really sleepy and find it completely impossible to concentrate. Evening was spent initially working, but then Becky crashed my room to show off her shiny new phone, and we ended up watching crappy ITV television for the rest of the night. At one point, I was sat on my bed playing Wonderwall distractedly on Maria, whilst Becky was sprawled out on my floor watching that gross programme about plastic surgery, and I glanced over at her and thought, "Just do it, just tell her about the anniversaries. Go on, just say it, just say, "By the way...", SAY THE WORDS, DAMNIT!" But I didn�t, I couldn�t bring myself to do it. I didn�t want to have her feeling awkward and not knowing what to say, and to have to acknowledge that it was nearly here. I will tell her at some point.

Today�s not been so great. Headed down to Sally�s again for more Revision Central, and my stupid minidisk player decided to random onto a song that was played at my mum�s funeral. I�d completely forgotten that that song was on that disk, and I ended up nearly in tears as I walked along the concourse towards the Union. Fuck you, minidisk, and your stupid shitty random programme. Thought you were fucking clever sneaking that on me. Revised for three hours and then came home, as my concentration suddenly up and died on me.

Now I�m back at home, feeling increasingly shitty and aware that Hannah�s going to be getting here soon. She was apparently in a car crash about a week ago, although she didn�t bother telling any of us about it until yesterday, so I�ll no doubt be hearing about that for a good two hours when she does get in. I am interested; it�s just� not a good time. God, it�s not the 13th yet, I�m not meant to be feeling like this until Friday. And yes, brain, I know this is the day I found out about my mum, and I know you�re loving making me replay the memory in my head over and over again� why don�t you just FUCK OFF AND DIE.

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