The period finally turned up
18.06.06, 9:29 pm

If you're after a thoroughly rushed and unchecked entry with no flow or structure then this is the place to be.

Okay, so before I get started on what I think is going to end up as a total teenage angst-fest of an entry, I�d like to report the wonderful news that my horrendously late period finally turned up yesterday evening, putting to rest all of my stupid irrational pregnancy worries. But not before I gave in and bought a pregnancy test yesterday afternoon. Which indeed is where all the teen angst starts.

Yesterday morning I firstly went off to look round a potential house for Lisa and me (I�ve just realised that the right shift key doesn�t work on this keyboard, and is making typing bloody annoying, so be grateful for this obvious gem of an entry). I have to express some Dave love here, as he gave me a lift there and back due to the MI and looked round it with me, and was generally lovely in every way. After that I went with him to pick Mel up from the MeadowHell bus terminal, as she�d gotten a megabus down from Newcastle. We went home, sat on my bed and Mel started on a massively long one-sided conversation about the latest boyfriend issues that had come to a head at home. And I�m usually really good at listening and understanding and saying the right thing, but I just kept zoning out and thinking about my missing period and making rubbish comments.

So eventually I decided to just tell Mel about the whole stand thing, once she�d paused from banging on about Iain, only in true me style I gave her a hugely watered down and vague account of it (i.e. �The Paddy thing messed me up so I had a one-night stand with a random guy and we used protection but my period�s now really late the end) and not until after I gave her the following pretext:

�Okay, I�ve got something to tell you, and you�re not going to like it and you�re not going to be impressed� and I probably should�ve told you about it before, but I�m telling you now because it�s turned into a slight problem. And I don�t want you to ask any questions� and I don�t want to talk about it, because it was ages ago and I�ve dealt with it, so don�t ask anything and don�t say anything.�

Had it not all been so serious, the look on her face after I�d told her would have been hilarious, and I had a sudden mad urge to yell �Gotcha!�, but obviously I didn�t because I was still all worried about being with child. Anyway, we decided to go down to Boots and buy a pregnancy test, and the girl behind the counter had to ask me if I wanted a carrier bag, because obviously I was dying to parade down West St with it in my hand proclaiming my promiscuity to everyone in sight. Got home and had to sneak upstairs because Dave had picked that exact moment to come round for a random visit, and then promptly ballsed up the pregnancy test because Boots own-brand tests are totally fascist and any time-limit that�s not exactly 5 seconds automatically renders it defunct. This is the reason you can get twin packs: so that retards like me get a second go for when we inevitably fuck up. However I didn�t buy a twin-pack, because they were two quid more expensive and I didn�t want to look too keen potential baby-wise.

So after the test fuck-up we lay around wondering whether we could be arsed to go back into town and buy another test (no was the eventual answer), before figuring we should go be sociable downstairs. It was all fine anyway, because the period turned up an hour later and all was well. And it was nice that I got to share the good news with Mel and we had a big celebratory hug in the hallway. Later on we all went out to see Hope of the States play at Leadmill and generally celebrate Dave�s birthday. And it was fun, it was all good and fun but the MI was totally kicking my ass and all the whole pregnancy test thing had done was remind me of stuff and I was just miserable in general, so I left early and was home by quarter to midnight.

Woke up today still not great, which I think both Mel and Becky noticed. She turned up for a flying visit and to go shopping with Mel in town before they both went back to Newcastle and Manchester, and kept giving me the concerned smile that she always gives me when she knows I�m being too quiet. As she was talking to me in the kitchen I suddenly had a massive urge to go home, and as I hardly ever get that urge ever decided to heed it and packed my bag once they�d left and went off to the train station. I didn�t want to stay in Sheffield and just be alone with my stupid depressing thoughts; for once I�d rather be at home, because at least then my dad�s continuous conversation about himself stops me thinking about all my shit. And so I�m now currently chez Manchester, which I wasn�t planning on in the slightest, and will probably go back to Sheffield Tuesday morning.

Went up into the loft just now to fix the boiler as the flame had blown out, and had to laugh when I noticed the nine huge cannabis plants quietly growing away in the corner. Definitely know I�m home. Right now I�m going to go watch the rest of the France match with my cat, because he always cheers me up by being soft and I don�t have to tell him what�s wrong.

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